THE DAILY GROANER - February 19, 2014

Good Morning Groanies,

Every time that I have had some time to relax and watch TV this past week or so, my wife has subjected me to the winter games in Sochi. While watching, all I can think about is the following:

1. Why is every male figure skater's costume bedazzled within an inch of its life? It is an Olympic rule that every skater needs to dress like Liberace?

2. I have missed my calling in life...I was meant to be a curler. No one can sweep faster than me - just look at my kitchen floor.

3. I keep hoping for people to fall, crash, or slip. I wonder if that makes me a bad person or just someone who is looking for something to heat up these winter games (awful pun intended).

4. Since when is Stacy an expert in each of the following - ice dancing (twizzle!), snowboarding (wax on!), and skeleton (that just sounds made up).

5. Like most of America, my favorite thing is to hear about all the weird stuff going on in Russia. Stuff like weird eye infections, hotel rooms still under construction, not being able to flush toilet paper, yellow water, wild dogs roaming the streets - these games have it all!

Go Team USA!

Groaningly yours,
Steve

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What do snowmen eat for lunch?

A: Icebergers!


Q: What do snowmen wear on their heads?

A: Ice caps!


*-- More Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?

A: Frost bite!


Q: How do you call an Eskimo cow?

A: An Eskimoo!


*-- Even More Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What happened when the snowwoman got angry at the snowman?

A: She gave him the cold shoulder!


Q: Where does a snowman keep his money?

A: In a snow bank!

***
Missed an Issue? Visit the Daily Groaner Archives