THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, Sept. 14th 2011

Good Morning Groanies,

I overheard a random conversation about bad dates the other day and it got me thinking, there are times when saying the wrong thing can ruin an otherwise wonderful evening. Here are a few of those "wrong things"...

Questions Not To Be Asked On A 1st Date
1. Are those real?
2. Did you know that you look just like my mom?
3. Wanna take a shower with me?
4. Guess what I was in jail for?
5. Did you just fart?
6. Would you like to know who's in the urn?
7. Did you ever wonder what human flesh tastes like?
8. Would you like to hear about my alien abduction?
9. Do you let your dogs watch you do it?
10. You don't hear voices, do you? Me neither, a couple of times.

These questions will surely guarantee that you would not be eligible for a second date, but then again the world is a strange place.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve

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*-- Good vs. Evil --*
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.

"Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches."

"I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires."

*-- Time Stands Still... --*
It's not what you say, but the way you say it.

On a blind date, the boy said to the girl, "Time stands still when I look into your eyes."

The girl was very flattered.

What the boy had really meant was, "You have a face that would stop a clock."

*-- Save Your Marriage --*
A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on a vast beach.

The marriage counselor, trying to be creative, told him, "If you wish to save your marriage, you'd better be a little boulder."

*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What is the best hand to write with?

A: Neither - it's best to write with a pen!

Q: What was the gangsters last words?

A: Who put that violin in my violin case!

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