THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, June 13th 2011

Good Morning Groanies,

I'm back from the great state of Texas! I had a fantastic time, but I am sure glad to be back home. I'm still getting used to being back so pardon my brief, but teaser-filled column this morning.

In the next few issues of the Daily Groaner I shall spin yarns of my extraordinary experiences during my journey to the Lone Star State. Topics range from a priest on the plane and annoying passengers to over-worked pilots and the pregnant geisha. Try and wrap your mind around these random yet intriguing subjects.

And, "YES," I did get my very own "Don't Mess With Texas" T-shirt. I look rather snazzified with it on if I do say so myself. And if I had said that in Texas I probably would have been roped and branded.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

Questions? Comments? Jokes? Email Steve

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+-- Nobody Loves Me... --+
Lucy was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying.

She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me... the whole world hates me!"

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Lucy. Some people don't even know you."

+-- Make Me An Offer --+
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer.

"I can arrange some things for you," the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls for eternity."

The lawyer thought for a moment then asked, "Okay, what's the catch?"

+-- Q and A Quickies --+
Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

A: He wanted cold hard cash!

Q: How much money did the pirate pay for his ear to get pierced?

A: A buck an ear!

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