THE DAILY GROANER - Wednesday, June 20th 2012

Good Morning Groanies,

I was doing a bit of grocery shopping the other night and during this much important task I couldn't help but eavesdrop on the various other lunatics aimlessly pushing their carts from aisle to aisle in search of the tastiest cat food that both they and the super-cute Mr. Mittens can enjoy together.

One of these "winners" that I crossed paths with was asking an employee of this store about shampoo. Innocent enough, right? Not out of the realm of usual for an establishment such as this. Then I heard what was asked. Brace yourself. Here it comes...

"Excuse me. Do you know the shampoo that I use? If not can you tell me, if you had my hair, what kind of washing agent would you use on it?"

What? What the hell was that? Crazy talk, that's what! How the hell would a complete stranger know what you use on your hair? If it were me I would have said barbeque sauce and tapioca pudding.

And then there's the "if you had my hair" bit. If you had my hair... where? On my head, in a bag, in a bread box, in a bowling ball bag, in the glove compartment, etc. What, is the stock guy going to wash your removable hair like a newborn baby or a puppy?

WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT?! I'm starting to think that I imagined all of this. I am losing my mind. I've got to go.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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*-- A New Kind of Car --*
Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria.

"Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?" one asked.

"He got this hare brained notion he was going to build a new kind of car," his coworker replied.

"How was he going to do it?"

"He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a Chevy, seats from a Lincoln, hubcaps from a Caddy and well, you get the idea."

"So what did he end up with?"

"Ten years to life."


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why isn't your ear 12 inches long?

A: If it were, it would be a foot.


Q: What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard?

A: The space bar.


*-- More Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why did the man quit smoking cold turkey?

A: Because the feathers made him cough.


Q: How do snowmen travel around?

A: By ice-icle!

***
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