THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, Sept. 24th 2012

Good Morning Groanies,

I've mentioned in a previous column, or two, that over the last three or four years I have become quite the reader. I've read up to and including 50 books. The last book that I finished was "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone". Stacy has been on my case to read it for years as she is a big Harry Potter fan.

So, last month I finally broke down and learned about Mr. Potter's exploits at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I was a good read and I recommend it to the three people left on the planet who haven't read it yet.

The real reason I read this was that Stacy and I had an agreement to choose the next book that the other person was to read. We each offered three choices - mine were "Harry Potter", "The Hunger Games", and "Twilight" (that is never going to happen!). I'm sure that you are wondering what choices I gave to Stacy. She'd tell you herself, but she is still trying to discover the hidden meaning behind one of my favorites, "Go, Dog. Go!"

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Questions? Comments? Email Steve


*-- You Lie, You Die --*
There once was a magic mirror which would kill you if you lied to it.

One day a brunette was doing her makeup and said to herself, "I think I'm the smartest woman ever!" She immediately dropped dead.

The next day a redhead was doing her hair and said to herself, "I think I'm the prettiest woman alive!" She immediately dropped dead.

Finally, the following day, a blond was flossing her teeth. She stopped and said to herself, "I think," and dropped dead.


*-- What's In The Box? --*
The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?"

"A mongoose."

"What for?"

"Well, you know how drunk I can get. When I get drunk I see snakes, and I'm scared to death of snakes. That's why I got this mongoose, for protection."

"But," the friend said, "you idiot! Those are imaginary snakes."

"That's okay," said the drunk, showing his friend the interior of the box, "So is the mongoose."


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What is a horse's favorite sport?

A: Stable Tennis!


Q: What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?

A: Look, grandpa, no hands!

***
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