THE DAILY GROANER - September 21, 2015

Good Morning Groanies,

I saw a flier for a missing pet. It was for an old cat that seemed to have run off from one of the local businesses near the office. The owner offered a reward of $50 for the return of the cherished feline.

After I almost wrote "Wanted: Dead or Alive" on the flier I began to think, "If I went missing what would my wife offer up for my safe return?" So I decided to ask her...which was a good idea because if there was any person who'd know what my wife would offer as a reward for my safe return it would definitely be my lovely wife, Stacy.

Stacy told me, "Nothing. If you when missing I wouldn't put up fliers. I wouldn't look for you or ask around. And I certainly wouldn't offer up a reward."

"Why not?" I inquired.

She said, "Well, since we've be together if you're gone for any lengthy amount of time it usually means that you are in the bathroom. So I wouldn't worry."

And you know what? She's right! She knows me so well. Too well.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- How Many Women Can A Man Marry? --*
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asks him: "How many women can a man marry?"

"Sixteen!" replies the little boy.

His cousin laughed and asked how he knew this. "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up! 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer!"


*-- My Wife Is Up There --*
A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed--driving his partner nuts.

Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"

The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Forget it, man, you'll never hit her from here!"


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What happened when the wheel was invented?

A: It caused a revolution.


Q: What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A: A roamin' Catholic.

***
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