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THE DAILY GROANER - August 3, 2016

Good Morning Groanies,


I've noticed, as well as my co-workers, family, friends, neighbors and passers-by that I have really accumulated quite a bit of gray hair. I used to notice a random gray every now and again, but now they're all over the place. So much so that I think the gray is actually taking over.

It doesn't bother me. I actually like it. It makes me look more distinguished... and handsome - if that was actually possible. So humble, I know.

Sporting a little of the "salt & pepper" can make people, especially young people, assume that I'm an old geezer...and they would be correct.

There are times when I'll get random questions like: What was it like before there were cars? Were you fooled by Orson Welles' War of the Worlds radio broadcast? What was it like before the internet?

Sometimes co-workers, family, friends, neighbors and passers-by can be so cruel.

Groaningly yours,
Steve


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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Was He Dead? --*

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner.

Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Coroner: No.

Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?

Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.



*-- I'm Out of Gas --*

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'

'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

'Try it now,' said one bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'?

The bee answered, "BP!"



*-- Q and A Quickies --*

Q: What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?

A: A headbanger!


Q: Why don't chickens play sports?

A: Because they hit fowl balls.

***

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