THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, Feb. 27th 2012

Good Morning Groanies,

All through Stacy's pregnancy we have taken time to check out various websites that offer tips, coupons, advice, news, videos, articles and anything else that expectant parents pine for to help them get ready for that special day. We had no idea that there were so many.

Well, there's this one particular site that we both subscribe to and it gives you the average size of your baby as it develops from week to week, but with each passing week your child is compared to food... or an element of food to give the little one some scale.

We began to get this weekly update starting with the fourth week of the first trimester. It told us that our baby was the size of a poppy seed. Okay, a poppy seed. I get it.

Then next week it was a sesame seed. And the next week a lentil bean. Then a blueberry, a kidney bean, a grape, a kumquat, a fig, and a lime.

Then I thought, "No wonder pregnant women get those weird cravings they just keep reading about all of these unique and delicious foods."

I don't know about you, but this column is making me hungry.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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*-- A Bad Time For Business --*
The president of a big bank fell off a seagoing yacht.

While his friends frantically sought a life preserver, a sailor shouted, "Hey, can you float alone?"

"Of course I can," gasped the floundering banker, "but this is a hell of a time to talk business."


*-- What A Pain in the Butt --*
A proctologist walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to write with it.

Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: What's black and white and makes a lot of noise?

A: A zebra with a drumkit.


Q: What did the dryer say to the washer?

A: Let's go for a spin.

***
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