THE DAILY GROANER - Monday, Feb. 18th 2013

Good Morning Groanies,

If you tuned into my last issue and guessed the movie elaborately described in the column was "One Crazy Summer" - you'd be correct! Thank you all for sending your guesses my way.

Now that we have that out of the way...

Stacy and I sent Jack to spend the weekend with his grandparents so that we could clean our house, or sty - its colorful nickname, within an inch of its life.

The house was really in bad shape. There was so much dust everywhere it looked like we moved into the Haunted Mansion. The toilet was so nasty that the last time I went to use it it began to weep. And we definitely needed to vacuum because afterwards we realized that the carpeting didn't even match with the wall color or the decor.

Now, the house is clean, we're all happy, and it looks
like we need to paint.

I really hate myself right now for using the word "decor" and correctly, I might add. I hate myself for knowing what dust ruffles and duvets are too? Oh, and then there's those damn pillow shams! I'm just going to stop right there.

Groaningly yours,
Steve

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Jokes? Comments? Questions? Email Steve


*-- Q and A Quickies --*
Q: How was the Mississippi riverboat gambler able to fill out his royalflush?

A: He was Delta Queen!


Q: What did one earthquake say to the other?

A: It's not my fault.


*-- I've Eaten All of Your Nuts --*
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.

Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he's absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. "I'm so sorry, auntie, I've eaten all of your peanuts!"

"That's okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I've sucked the chocolate off, I don't care for them anyway."


*-- More Q and A Quickies --*
Q: Why did the robber take a bath?

A: So he could make a clean getaway!


Q: What did the hot dog say when it crossed the finish line?

A: I'm the wiener!

***
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