Bizarre News - May 9, 2015

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

When most women want a sample of semen from a guy all they have to do is put on a short skirt, low-cut top and go to a bar. Or go to the Internet, or pick up a phone, or make eye contact with a guy in the grocery store. Pretty much any of these tactics will work, but maybe things don't work the same way in South Africa as they do here, because apparently there is a ring of women there who are kidnapping men for their semen.

Most recently a man was kidnapped at gunpoint and raped by three women who collected his semen in a cooler and stealing it before abandoning their victim. This method seems to be part of a growing trend.

The 33-year-old man gave the women directions when they pulled up in a black BMW. Suddenly, one of the women armed with a gun got out and forced him into the back of the car.

The trio then drove him over a hundred miles away and fondled him in the back of the car but he did not become aroused, so they forced him to drink an 'unknown substance' from a bottle to aid him.

They then raped the man repeatedly and collected his semen in plastic bags, placing them in a cooler.

The man was then kicked out of the car while the women made off with the stolen sperm.

The exact same method is being used by women in Gauteng, who are also forcing men to drink from a bottle and stealing their semen but no arrests have been made.

Constable Mncedi Mbombo said, "They then forced him to drink an unknown substance from a bottle. This got him aroused quickly even though he was still scared and didn't want to have sex.

"This is really confusing to us because we have never heard of such a thing before. The man was fully conscious throughout his ordeal and he is still traumatized."

Police have now opened a rape investigation.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Authorities find 'underwater skeleton tea party' in Arizona --*
CIENEGA SPRINGS, Ariz. (UPI) - Authorities in Arizona responding to a report of human remains in the Colorado River said they actually discovered a staged "underwater skeleton tea party." The La Paz County Sheriff's Department said deputies received a report Monday from a Colorado River snorkeler who spotted what appeared to be human remains near the Cienega Springs boat launch. A Buckskin Fire Department diver investigated with a video camera and discovered the reported remains were actually a pair of fake skeletons in lawn chairs having what the sheriff's department described as an "underwater skeleton tea party." "Although the call itself was resource intensive, both the Sheriff's Office and Buckskin Fire were happy to find that the remains weren't real and thanked the reporting party for making the call," the department said.


*-- Nebraska woman suing all homosexuals on behalf of 'God' --*
OMAHA (UPI) - A Nebraska woman filed a seven-page handwritten court brief detailing her lawsuit against all homosexuals on behalf of "God" and "his son, Jesus Christ." Sylvia Driskell, 66, of Auburn, filed a federal lawsuit Friday in Omaha asking for a federal judge to rule on whether or not homosexuality is a sin. Driskell's seven-page court brief, which is entirely handwritten, describes the woman as an "ambassador for plaintiffs God, and his son, Jesus Christ." The defendants listed in the lawsuit are "homosexuals," noting the group uses the "alis [alias], gay." The brief cites several Bible verses and argues "that homosexuality is a sin and that they the homosexuals know it is a sin to live a life of homosexuality. Why else would they have been hiding in the closet." Driskell cited the Biblical destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah as evidence of God's distaste for "immoral behavior." "I never thought that I would see a day in which our great nation or our own great state of Nebraska would become so compliant to the complicity of some peoples lewd behavior," Diskell wrote. "Why are judges passing laws, so sinners can break religious and moral laws. Will all the judges of this nation, judge God to be a lier [liar]." Driskell is representing herself in the lawsuit.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Hey Lewis, if I were going to eat my ex-girlfriend I certainly wouldn't eat her brain or lungs. That bitch had the hottest ass I ever saw.

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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