fiogf49gjkf0d
Bizarre News - December 24, 2014
Greetings fellow Bizarros:Like the comedian Jim Gaffigan pointed out, a lot of our holiday traditions seem like the actions of a drunk. Who chops down a tree and drags it inside their house (without drinking a 12 pack of beer and a half pint of whiskey first)? But our holiday oddities seem quaint and homey compared to some of the bizarre things they do to celebrate Christmas around the world.
In Catalonia, families gather around the "caga tio," a log that's decorated with a cartoon face and plied with treats in the weeks before Christmas. On Christmas day, the children sing a song and beat the log with sticks until it 'poops' out presents (caga is the Catalonian equivalent of 'caca,' and means 'pooping').
In Austria, the Christmas season kicks off on Dec. 5 with Krampusnacht Krampus, St. Nick's demonic polar opposite, is a goat-horned devil that shakes fistfuls of rusty chains at passing children. According to legend, naughty kids are snatched by Krampus and dragged to his mountain lair. In more recent years, the custom has morphed into a sort of Halloween in December, giving people a chance to dress up and parade around in their ghoulish costumes.
In the Netherlands, the Dutch add a little fear to their holiday celebrations with Zwarte Piet. In a rather racist custom that has persisted to this day, Zwarte Piet, or Black Peter, is Santa's slave who abducts Dutch children that misbehave, taking them back to Spain, where it is said that Santa and Peter spend their off-season. In a scene many Americans would find shocking, the Dutch dress up as Black Peter, donning black face and Afro wigs, in order to accompany Santa.
So don't be too critical when Dad dresses up at Santa this year and smells a little like scotch and cigarettes. It could be a lot worse.
Bizarrely,
Lewis P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click
GopherArchives Questions? Comments?
Email Lewis* Florida woman arrested for slapping grandmother after Facebook friend request denied *CLEARWATER, Fla. (UPI) - A west Florida woman faces felony assault charges after she reportedly attacked her grandmother for denying a Facebook friend request. Deputies arrested Rachel Anne Hayes, 27, early Thursday for aggravated battery on an elderly person. According to authorities, Hayes slapped the 72-year-old multiple times at a home in Clearwater, Fla. WFLA reports the woman was Hayes' grandmother and that Hayes' arrest affidavit indicated alcohol was a factor in the assault. The attack allegedly stemmed from an argument between the two over Hayes' Facebook moniker. Hayes' grandmother refused to accept her friend request unless the name was changed, according to authorities. Hayes initially left the residence but returned, and in the ensuing argument she slapped her grandmother multiple times at the threshold of a door before the elderly woman was able to retreat inside. Deputies arrived on scene and arrested Hayes, who was released from the Pinellas County jail on $10,000 bond. Hayes' jail records show prior arrests for alcohol related incidents, including a DUI last year, violation of probation in relation to the DUI and a September charge of disorderly conduct for urinating in public.
*-- Dog accidentally shoots owner with rifle --*SHERIDAN, Wyo. (UPI) - Authorities in Wyoming said a man was shot in the arm when his dog stepped on a loaded gun in the back seat of his pickup truck. Johnson County Sheriff Steve Kozisek said Richard Fipps, 46, of Sheridan, was standing next to his pickup truck Monday when his dog climbed from the front seat to the back seat and stepped on the loaded .300 Winchester Magnum, which did not have its safety activated. The gun fired off a round that struck Fipps in the left arm, Kozisek said. Kozisek said evidence from the scene and statements from two employees who were working with Fipps at the time of the incident support Fipps' version of events. Authorities said Fipps' injury is not considered life-threatening, but there is a chance he could lose his arm.
*-- READER COMMENTS --*It seems to me if Santa Claus can be pictured drinking various types of imbibibales over the years or smoke cigarettes and cigars he can be seen smoking weed! WOW! It's amazing how sensitive people are these days. Is this what has become of all the sensitivity training the corporations put their employees through? People need to learn to let go the small stuff and live! -Rita
[
I agree. Anybody who has smoked pot is familiar with the sensation of time dilation. If Santa thinks he can travel around the world, visiting hundreds of millions of childrens' homes in one night--on flying reindeer no less--he's got to be smokin' something. And a belly like that can only come from having the munchies all the time.]
Hi Lewis, I'm curious what it takes to get into the e-mail newsletter publishing business. It seems like a nice stable career, which is something I could use right now. I've changed jobs 6 times since since I first heard of Bizarre News some 10 years ago and here you are, still at it. I'm guessing electronic publishing might be a good career move for me as well.
[
Well, first you have to give up most of your pride and dignity. Then you have to give up any hope of ever making anything out of yourself. Then you have to give up on ever making a decent paycheck. Once you have resigned yourself to all of that you still have to have a bare minimum of talent and ability, not that it'll ever get you anywhere. It also helps to have a drinking problem.]
Your reader Jeff needs to get his head on straight. People are NOT stupid simply because they are Polish. The people who are stupid are the ones who assume that being Polish makes one an idiot or being Middle Eastern makes one a terrorist. Get a clue, people. -Chris
[
Let me guess; your name ends in a "ski"?]
*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --****Missed an Issue? Visit the Bizarre News ArchivesWell, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: LEWIS