Saturday, March 24, 2012

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Zimbabwe; mysterious, forbidding, exotic, and apparently filled with roving bands of sperm-hunting women, preying on innocent male travelers.

Sensational reports of gangs of beautiful women picking up male travelers to have sex and harvest their sperm have gripped Zimbabwe.

Local media have reported victims of the highway prowlers being drugged, subdued at gun or knife point - even with a live snake in one case - given a sexual stimulant and forced into repeated sex before being dumped on the roadside (or as I used to call it in college...Thursday night).

The sperm hunters first surfaced in the local press in 2009 but police have only arrested three women, found with a plastic bag of 31 used condoms. The attacks have continued since then.

What the sperm is being used for is not clear, but it is thought to be intended for "juju" or traditional rituals to bring good luck. Although a lot of men might think that being given a free stimulant and then wildly humped by several attractive, young women is good luck enough.

Still, the attacks have a lot of travelers upset. "Of course we are scared," said a 26-year-old hitchhiker, adding he would not get into a car driven by a woman.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Wedding postponed to buy chemo for lizard --*
LONDON - A British woman said she had to postpone her wedding after spending more than $4,700 on chemotherapy for her pet lizard. Lizzie Griffiths, 25, of London said she adopted George, her bearded dragon, last year and decided to postpone her wedding to Chris Fisher so she could spend their saved cash to treat the reptile's cancer, The Sun reported Thursday. "Chris knows George will always come first," Griffiths said. "I fell in love with George the minute I saw him and knew I'd do anything to look after him properly. So right now we can't afford a wedding." Griffiths said George, who became the first bearded dragon in Britain to undergo chemotherapy, is now in remission. Fisher said he understands that George will always be "Lizzie's No. 1."

*-- Man called 911 to make wife go to bed --*
WESLEY CHAPEL, Fla. - A Florida man serving a 60-day jail sentence for misuse of 911 called the emergency line because his wife would not leave him alone to check his Facebook. The Pasco County Sheriff's Office said Doyle Hardwick, who began serving his sentence Tuesday, called 911 on Sept. 24 and told the dispatcher his wife refused to stop sitting next to him and go to bed, the Tampa Bay Times, St. Petersburg, Fla., reported Thursday. Hardwick, 57, told the operator his wife told him she would go to bed if he let her drink some beers, but she refused to leave the seat next to him upon finishing her beverages. He said he was upset his wife would not let him "look at Facebook peacefully," the 911 transcript states. Deputies said both Hardwick and his wife smelled of alcohol when they arrived at their home. Hardwick pleaded no contest to misuse of 911 in February and an arrest warrant was issued when he failed to show up to serve his sentence. He turned himself in Tuesday and began serving his 60 days.

*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Thank you so much for your news. Had a bad day and your little snips made me smile. She didn't get rid of the gold because she liked to look at it. I have things like that too, mostly old jewelry. I don't even wear a watch.
[She wasn't stealing jewelry, she was stealing scrap gold. I don't imagine anyone would get too much pleasure from looking a little piles of gold shavings from jewelry manufacturing, but who knows what motivates people?]

you can hide gold. gold grows in value- especially when you stole it.. you don't turn it into cash until you are ready to leave the country- then you melt it into ingots and sell it. If she had been melting and selling.. she would have been found out much earlier- gold buyers are aware of WHO has it and where they get it. -Corky
[I would say the opposite. I have sold a few pieces of gold before. The occasional piece of old jewelry, even a couple gold coins I had, any nobody ever asked me where it came from. However, if I walked into someplace with 60 pounds of scrap gold you better believe somebody would ask some questions!]

Lewis; I lived in Erie, PA for three years and every winter there were ice fishing accidents, which usually happened after a few unseasonably warm days. I found that parking a 2000 lb car near where you cut a hole in the ice, built a fire then drank copious amounts of beer not to be the smartest thing ever attempted. -Wes
[The funnest things are rarely the smartest!]

Lewis, I keep reading about this debt crisis stuff and I have an idea--instead of taking money away from things like education, libraries, etc to pay off the national debt, why not take the money away from rich fat-cat politicians who put us in debt in the first place? --C. J.
[Not all politicians are rich fat cats. You have to be in office for a long time before you can start demanding the kind of graft and kick-backs that will qualify you as a 'fat cat'.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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