Bizarre News - July 12, 2014

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

In a small bit of good news for the public education sector, a sexy female middle-school teacher in Florida was NOT having sex with her students. She was, however, showing them how to twerk during a party.

A student reported that the soccer coach and gym teacher had attended an end-of-year soccer gathering at a student's home and was twerking with students.

Perhaps as a way of measuring how well they absorbed the material she was teaching them, she also allegedly let one of the eighth-graders give her a lap dance.

Call it vocational training.

The investigation of the allegations includes cell-phone video of the teacher getting the lap dance, which was described as "a gross exercise of poor judgment."

Or "totally awesome" depending on which source you ask.

To cap off the afternoon of questionable judgment calls, the teacher then drove home drunk with a classmate in the car, according to other students at the party.

She was suspended for 15 days without pay. The superintendent says the educator was not fired because the student's parents were home at the time. Which isn't creepy at all.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


*-- Man arrested for 'karate-kicking' police horse in Portland --*
PORTLAND, Ore. (UPI) - An Oregon man didn't look a police horse in the mouth; he karate-kicked it in the thigh. Portland Police arrested Joseph Cruz and charged him with interfering with a law-enforcement animal after he allegedly attacked a police horse named Olin. Mounted Patrol Unit officers were patrolling near a Greyhound bus terminal when they stopped to speak to a group of people. While they were chatting, the 29-year-old allegedly ran up and attacked Olin, even though the animal outweighs him by about 1,000 pounds. Police say Cruz "yelled out a battle cry" and hit the horse "with a jumping, double kick to his right thigh," the Salem News reported. Neither Olin nor Cruz was hurt by the kick and it was unclear if the suspect was impaired by drugs or alcohol during the incident. Cruz also had a warrant out for his arrest.


*-- Rifle pulled on man during dog poop misunderstanding --*
SANTA FE, N.M. (UPI) -- A New Mexico man claims a Santa Fe police officer pulled a rifle on him during a really crappy case of mistaken identity. Artist Mateo Romero was cleaning dog poop out of the back of his SUV in a stranger's driveway and the homeowner got spooked. Maria Markus, 60, called police and reported a burglary in progress after blocking Romero in with her vehicle. "I tried to talk to her to explain that I was cleaning up dog poop," Romero told the Albuquerque Journal. "But she got all hysterical and I just backed away. I couldn't leave. It was crazy." According to a police report, the responding officer pulled out a rifle and detained Romero. After he was searched and it was determined that Romero didn't have any of Markus' property, he was released. "It appeared to be a misunderstanding," the police report said. "Mr. Romero was understanding and polite." "It's kind of embarrassing, but that's what happened," Romero told the Santa Fe New Mexican. Romero's paintings have been exhibited in Canada and throughout the United States.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Swallowing sausage whole is very dangerous. One remedy for this would be for protection is to sign an agreement to allow chewing and swallowing. It may not be as dangerous, but it makes the food taste better and the vomit smell worse. If they insist on whole they must have a very high rate for special insurance which would include burial and funeral arrangement's. General life insurance will not cover this. -Mike
[Special accidental death insurance? How much money do you think carnivals and fairs make?]

Having a person--not necessarily a professional security guard--assigned to stand by the wedding gift table for security purposes is a common practice, and something no wedding planning would ever forget to organize.
[I am no expert, but I have been to a LOT of weddings, and never have I been to one with a security guard for the gift table. On the other hand, most of my friends and family are pretty cheap and I doubt anybody would want to steal the gifts at any wedding I have ever been to.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
***
Missed an Issue? Visit the Bizarre News Archives

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: LEWIS