Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Have you ever heard the phrase, "Never bring a knife to a gun fight?" If you believe in the validity of this sage advice you might also think it would be poor judgment to bring a toy to a gun fight.

The perpetrator in today's story would agree with you.

34-year-old Michael Oliva was charged in federal court in connection to an attempted bank robbery in Trimble, MO. According to an affidavit Oliva entered the bank, allegedly pulled on a black mask and pointed what appeared to be a handgun at a bank employee and ordered her to give him the money in her teller drawer.

Instead of complying the employee dropped to the floor behind the teller station and began shouting for help. As she was crawling away, the affidavit says, she saw Oliva lean over the teller station and point his "weapon" at her.

A second bank employee, who was in an office, heard the shouts for help. He saw Oliva pointing a handgun at the first bank employee and retrieved a Smith & Wesson .357 revolver.

But instead of a shootout what occurred was a near execution, because Oliva didn't have a handgun, he had a plastic toy. Not knowing this, the second employee fired two rounds, the first shot striking Oliva in the face.

Apparently being shot in the face with a .357 was enough for him because he turned and fled. He was arrested a short time later with no money but in possession of an extra bullet.

Who says gun laws don't work?

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Boy, 7, suspended over pastry shape --*
BALTIMORE - A Maryland father said it was "insanity" to suspend his 7-year-old son from school for chewing his breakfast pastry into the shape of a gun. Josh Welch, a second-grader at Park Elementary School in Baltimore, said he was trying to chew his breakfast pastry into the shape of a mountain during breakfast at the school Friday, WBFF-TV, Baltimore, reported Monday. "It was already a rectangle and I just kept on biting it and biting it and tore off the top and it kinda looked like a gun but it wasn't." the boy said. "All I was trying to do was turn it into a mountain but, it didn't look like a mountain really and it turned out to be a gun kinda." However, he said he knew he was in "big trouble" when a teacher saw what he created. B.J. Welch, the boy's father, said he was shocked when Josh was suspended for two days. "I would almost call it insanity. I mean with all the potential issues that could be dealt with at school, real threats, bullies, whatever the real issue is, it's a pastry ... ya know?" The school sent a note home with students Friday afternoon. "A student used food to make an inappropriate gesture," the note read.


*-- Pool insists girls wear tops and bottoms --*
SPRING HILL, Tenn. - A Franklin, Tenn., mother said her 4-year-old daughter felt unnecessarily shamed leaving a public pool where the girl wore a swimsuit with a bottom, but no top. Sara Parada said her daughter was swimming Friday in the indoor pool of the Longview Recreation Center in Spring Hill, Tenn. The two left after an argument with lifeguards and a supervisor about policy at the pool. "It was really poorly handled," Parada said. "She left feeling really ashamed of herself." "The rule requires tops and bottoms for girls. It's never, ever been questioned in my 34 years," said Parks and Recreation Department Director Doug Hood, but the (Nashville) Tennessean noted Tuesday that, of 29 rules posted on the department's website regarding pool policies, only two mention proper attire and neither specifies tops and bottoms for girls. Parada has lived in California and Hawaii, she said, and acknowledged the rule. "Now that I know it's a cultural thing, I'll comply with the cultural norm. From now on I'm definitely putting a top on her. I don't see the need to traumatize her," she said.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
My sister, who is a resident of NY, said you can use deadly force in NY state to defend yourself and your property. So basically -barry who said otherwise is an idiot! -Johnny C
[Well, Barry is partially right. See the comment below...]

Lewis, "New York's self-defense law states that a person cannot use deadly force if the person can safely retreat. But there is no duty to retreat if a person is at home and did not start the altercation, or if the other party is committing a kidnapping, rape, robbery, burglary, or arson." So if you're attacked at home, you have no duty to retreat, but if someone assaults you in a city park, you'd better run, not use that gun. -John

There are two types of art - there is "art" and there is "Art". "Art" (with a capital A) stands the test of time and can be easily recognized as being a valuable part of life. Then there is "art" (with a small a) which is anything else that an "artist" creates and which is forgotten within a few minutes of its creation. The semen exhibition is the latter, not the former. -Don
[I don't know....there is a lot of semen in porn and that has stood the test of time.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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