Saturday, September 21, 2013

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

When is it okay to make out with a 15-year-old girl? When you are a 15-year-old boy. Anything much older than that and you are really playing with fire, not to mention the law. So how to get around this pesky little statutory dilemma when you really, really want to make out with a 15-year-old girl? Why, pretend to be a 15-year-old boy, of course.

Tricky for a man of 21. Surprising doable for a woman of 21.

Deputies were called to the woods along Point Comfort Loop in Virginia after people reported hearing a person in distress. There they found a 15-year-old girl and a person who said they were a 15-year-old boy named Seth Walker.

Deputies determined Walker was in fact not a boy.

"This person is actually Stephanie Griffith, who is a 21-year-old female," York-Poquoson Sheriff's Office Lt. Dennis Ivey, Jr. wrote in a media advisory. "It was also determined that Griffith had been having consensual sexual contact with the 15-year-old female in the woods and on several other occasions."

"A citizen heard an unusual sound coming from the woods and called us," Sheriff Danny Diggs said. "The scream was actually an attempted [belly button] piercing, that was consensual."

Griffith is charged with seven counts of sexual battery, one count of crimes against nature and one count of piercing a minor.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


*-- Fla. man accused of trying to exorcise 80-year-old girlfriend --*
HOLIDAY, Fla. - A Florida man was arrested after allegedly trying to perform an exorcism on his 80-year-old girlfriend, police said. The alleged exorcism started Monday when David Edward Benes, 54, of Holiday, and his girlfriend of three years, whose name was not reported, got into an argument, the Orlando (Fla.) Times reported. A Pasco Sheriff's report states that at some point during the argument, Benes grabbed the 80-year-old woman, held her down, and said he was going to "exorcise her and get the devil out of her." When authorities arrived at the scene, Benes' girlfriend was found sitting outside the couple's home, crying. Benes was inside the home, intoxicated, and did not remember what had just happened, the sheriff's report said. Benes was arrested Tuesday and charged with domestic battery on a person 65 or older, tampering with a witness and false imprisonment.

*-- Wisconsin man combines all 43 McDonald's sandwiches --*
WAUWATOSA, Wis. - A Wisconsin blogger said it cost him $140.33 to purchase one of each sandwich offered by McDonald's and then assemble them into "the McEverything." Nick Chipman, a blogger for DudeFoods.com, said he went to the McDonald's in Wauwatosa, Wis., a half hour before the end of breakfast so he would be able to order all 43 sandwiches made by the fast food chain. He used bamboo skewers to stack them into a creation he dubbed "the McEverything." Chipman said his entire bill came to $141.33, because he also ordered a Diet Coke. "Aside from keeping the McEverything from toppling over as I was assembling it, I'd say that the hardest part of building it was not eating any of the sandwiches until it was complete. I'm a total sucker for McDonald's sandwiches, especially their McGriddles," Chipman wrote. Chipman said he, unsurprisingly, was not able to eat the McEverything in one sitting. "With all the leftovers I have, I've got all my breakfasts, lunches and dinners covered for the next week or so!" he wrote.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Anal secretions from beavers, Is that from two legged beavers or the four legged beavers?
[The only 2-legged beavers are survivors of beaver traps.]

Too bad union member are not allowed to vote for the person they think (if they do) is the best qualified for the job, instead they vote for who their union boss tells them do, or as I have had union members tell me, if they did not vote the way the union boss wanted them to they would be thrown out of the union. -Bob
[What are you suggesting? That there is graft, corruption, intimidation and coercion in unions? Why that is the most disrespectful slander I have ever heard.]

Must be some really long winters in Sweden for them to even find this out about the taste of beaver anal secretions. -Jim Smith
[You would be surprised at the kind of things you can find up animal asses. Great advances have been made recently in breaking down the tough cellulose in plant matter using bacteria found in panda poop in order to make biofuel.]

Hi Lewis, Just read a short item in my local paper about a woman motorcyclist being killed by a flying deer! I went on the internet for more details and found another similar attack only a few weeks ago. It's an epidemic!
[When are they going to bring that psycho Santa Claus to justice?]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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