Bizarre News - January 2, 2016

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I can't predict what I'm going to have for lunch this afternoon, but there are people out there called futurologists who claim to be able to make accurate "educated guesses" about what is going to happen in the distant future.

In a story from the BBC two prominent futurologists take some shots at what the world will be like in 100 years. Following are their 10 most likely predictions.

1. Oceans will be extensively farmed and not just for fish.

We will need to feed 10 billion people and nature can't keep up with demand, so we will need much more ocean farming for fish. But algae farming is also on the way for renewable energy.

2. We will have the ability to communicate through thought transmission.

Transmission will be just as easy as other forms of brain augmentation. Picking up thoughts and relaying them to another brain will not be much harder than storing them on the net.

3. Thanks to DNA and robotic engineering, we will have created incredibly intelligent humans who are immortal.

It is more likely that direct brain links using electronics will achieve this, but GM will help a lot by increasing longevity - keeping people alive until electronic immortality technology is freely available at reasonable cost.

4. We will be able to control the weather.

There is already some weather control technology for mediating tornadoes, making it rain and so on, and thanks to climate change concerns, a huge amount of knowledge is being gleaned on how weather works.

5. We will all be wired to computers to make our brains work faster.

We can expect this as soon as 2050 for many people. By 2075 most people in the developed world will use machine augmentation of some sort for their brains and, by the end of the century, pretty much everyone will.

6. We will have figured out nuclear fusion.

This is likely by 2045-2050 and almost certain by 2100. It's widely predicted that we will achieve this. What difference it makes will depend on what other energy technologies we have.

7. There will only be three languages in the world - English, Spanish and Mandarin.

This does look like a powerful trend, other languages don't stand a lot of chance. Minor languages are dying at a huge rate already and the other major ones are mostly in areas where everyone educated speaks at least one of the other three.

8. California will lead the break-up of the US.

There are some indications already that California wants to split off and such pressures tend to build over time. It is hard to see this waiting until the end of the century.

9. Space elevators will make space travel cheap and easy.

First space elevators will certainly be around, and although "cheap" is a relative term, it will certainly be a lot cheaper than conventional space development.

10. Deserts will become tropical forests.

Desert greening is progressing so this is just about possible.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*--- Minnesota woman bit husband's ear off over beer ---*
ST. CLOUD, Minn. - A Minnesota woman was arrested after biting a piece of her husband's ear off during an argument regarding beer. Jamie Elrod, 37, was arrested and charged with first degree assault after police entered her home, finding overturned furniture, blood and a piece of her husband's ear. The victim originally claimed that the ear was injured during a fight downtown, but later told police that the two were arguing over a beer when Elrod followed him into the bedroom and attacked him. Elrod was believed to have been drinking and had no recollection of the attack when asked about her husband's ear. She is being held on $30,000 bond.


*-- Zamboni driver at teen hockey game charged with drunk driving --*
STE. ANNE, Manitoba, - A Zamboni driver at a teen hockey game in Manitoba was arrested and charged with driving while impaired after damaging the ice rink. Ste. Anne Police said officers responded to a report of a driver of a Zamboni ice resurfacer displaying "erratic behavior" Saturday night at the Sainte-Anne Arena during a game between two teams of boys ages 13-14. "He was banging up against the boards and missing areas and it was evident something was wrong," Ste. Anne Police Chief Marc Robichaud told Global News. Martin Kintscher, manager for one of the teams, said the Zamboni was damaging the rink. "On his first lap he struck the gate where the Zamboni drives onto the ice, and broke the boards and also broke pieces off the actual Zamboni," Kintscher told CBC News. "One piece got stuck under the Zamboni, which left a ridge on the ice with every lap." Robichaud said the driver was uncooperative and refused a Breathalyzer test. He was arrested on charges of impaired driving, refusing to provide a breath sample and resisting arrest. "You don't have to be driving on a road to be charged with impaired driving," Robichaud said. Kintscher said officials canceled the game.

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