Bizarre News - July 26, 2014

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

In a display of surprising ingenuity for New Jersey, or, Malaysia rather, a 16-year-old girl and an accomplice used blowpipes to sedate several cows and then stuff them in the back seat of their car.

Deputy Supt Mohd Kamal Zainal said the police caught the girl and her 29-year-old accomplice, who was driving a Proton Iswara (whatever that is), in the Malaysian state of Kelantan (which is starting to sound a lot like Alabama).

"The man bolted into a house but we managed to catch him. We found two cows, with their legs tied, in the back seat of the car," said DSP Mohd Kamal.

"Not long after that, a Proton Wira turned up and we nabbed the 25-year-old driver. There were three sedated cows in the car."

That in itself is a pretty bizarre not to mention impressive feat. Go to your web browser and search images for Proton Wira, then try to imagine stuffing 3 sedated cows into the back of one by hand.

Police found several plastic containers of crystals, believed to be drugs, four modified syringes, a bottle of chemicals believed to be sedatives and two steel pipes modified to be blowpipes.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Washington man survives wildfire by running into it --*
BREWSTER, Wash. (UPI) - It sounds counterintuitive, but a Washington man was able to rely on his instincts and survive a wildfire by running straight at it. When wildfires began rapidly approaching his Brewster home, Mark Nelson was barely able to grab his cat, Fluffy, and get out the door before the flames arrived. He got in his car and began driving, but quickly had to abandon his van after it caught on fire. Unable to get away from the blaze, Nelson decided to go to it instead. "I had to get behind the fire," Nelson told KING TV. "At one point, I said, 'This is it.' But I said, 'Hell, no ... gotta keep on moving.'" The 60-year-old grabbed Fluffy and ran at the flames before dropping to the ground at the last second to allow them to pass over him. Nelson lost his home, but he is OK and Fluffy is as well. He did sustain burns on his hand, side and legs.


*-- Man allegedly robbed a bank while wearing shirt with his name on it --*
DENVER (UPI) - A Colorado man made it very easy for law enforcement officials to earn their paychecks after allegedly robbing a bank while wearing a shirt with his name on it. According to police, John David Martinez went to a Wells Fargo branch in Denver wearing a personalized polo shirt bearing his name. The suspect approached a teller and said, "This is a robbery, give me the money." To make it even easier for police, the suspect also allegedly drove his own Honda to the bank so investigators were able to use the license plate to track down Martinez. Officers showed his DMV photo to a bank employee. "That's him. He's the one who robbed the bank this morning," the employee said, the Denver Channel reported. After an investigation that took all of five hours, Martinez was arrested. While he was in custody, Martinez reportedly said he had "told his wife that he had borrowed the money and did not tell her that he had robbed the bank." The 68-year-old was booked into jail in Denver on investigation of felony robbery involving $20,000 or more.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
I was JUST thinking that we don't have enough intimate medical procedures taking place at the ballpark. What fan wouldn't want more of that at the game? Instead of everyone singing "America The Beautiful" or some other song during the 7th inning stretch, just have us all turn our heads and cough.
[Might be more appropriate to do that instead of the Pledge of Allegiance, because it better represents what the government is doing to us.]

At least the border agents weren't profiling. -Rick
[Why pass up the opportunity to personally search a bunch of pre-teen boys? Unfortunately there was no report on how many body cavity searches were performed.]

I'll be brief. F**k yourself. You aren't that amusing. -Rick
[Ah ha, I haven't had a nemesis so subtle since Queetzle. The game is a foot.]

Lewis, Have you noticed that most of the media now refer to illegal aliens as illegal immigrants? I feel the world for these kids but what are we supposed to do take them all? IMHO We should also limit visas for pregnant women from other countries. One of the scams women from Mexico. Central America, and South America do is get pregnant come here on a temporary visa pop the kid and Presto Changeo Instant American citizen. Kid is American therefore can't be deported therefore Mom can't be deported. I also think ICE should be staking out these illegal aliens at these protests. These illegals constantly break the law. Their advocates make like they are law abiding citizens when they are not either. -John
[The media hardly refers to them as illegal immigrants anymore. They are now either undocumented immigrants, or even better, undocumented laborers. But don't worry too much about it; there is not much to being a citizen of the United States anymore. Pretty soon things will be just as bad here as they are in other countries and there will no longer be any incentive to sneak here.]

I think you're confused. The Boy Scouts are only minor criminals (pun emphatically intended). The real evil ones are the Girl Scouts. Sure, they seem all sugar-and-spice... until they are trying to sell cookies. That's when they show their true colors. And nobody is safe. -Chris
[It has been long suspected that Girl Scout cookies are a nation-wide 'crack' distribution scheme.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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