Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Who remembers the book "1984" by George Orwell? In this sunny, optimistic take on the future the political entity known as Oceania is ruled by four ministries; the Ministry of Peace, which deals with war, the Ministry of Plenty, which deals with the economy, the Ministry of Love, which deals with law and order, and the Ministry of Truth, which deals with propaganda.

We all know how that book turned out.

With alarmists constantly squawking about how the U.S. and some other industrialized nations are turning into police states, it is easy to miss some rather obvious and even frightening hints as to where things are really heading in the modern world.

For example, Venezuela now has a formal government agency in charge of enforcing happiness.

President Nicolas Maduro says the new Vice Ministry of Supreme Social Happiness will coordinate all the "mission" programs created by the late President Hugo Chavez to alleviate poverty.

Oil-rich Venezuela is chronically short of basic goods and medical supplies. Annual inflation is running officially at near 50 percent and the U.S. dollar now fetches more than seven times the official rate on the black market.

A TV journalist whose show was recently forced off the air after he refused to censor political opponents of the ruling socialists, Leopoldo Castillo, called Maduro's announcement an international embarrassment.

Housewife Liliana Alfonzo, 31, said that instead of a Supreme Happiness agency she'd prefer being able to get milk and toilet paper, which disappear off store shelves minutes after arriving at stores.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


*-- Ships use Britney Spears songs to ward off Somali pirates --*
MOGADISHU, Somalia - An international organization of maritime security companies says the music of Britney Spears has proven effective in warding off Somali pirates. A representative from the Security Association for the Maritime Industry said ships traveling in the Indian Ocean have found the pirates are repelled by Spears' hit songs "Oops! I Did It Again" and "Baby One More Time" as a result of their distaste for western culture, the Nairobi (Kenya) Standard Digital News, reported Tuesday. The representative said ships blaring the music to ward off an impending attack found their security workers rarely had to use their guns. He said the pirates "go to any length to overcome the music." "I'd imagine using Justin Bieber would be a great crime against humanity," the representative quipped.


*-- Mother posts message to thief who took son's pumpkin --*
WASHINGTON - A mother in the U.S. capital posted a message outside her home addressed to the thief who stole her 2-year-old son's pumpkin. Becky Reina said her family carved four Halloween pumpkins, including one for 2-year-old Tommy, and the toddler's pumpkin turned up missing from outside their home last week, WTOP-TV, Washington, reported Tuesday. "To the person who stole my son's pumpkin: Thank you for the life lesson. This will help teach him that sometimes people are mean for no reason, and you have to just brush it off. Because my son is 2 years old and cannot read the sign, I will add, you are an [expletive]," Reina wrote on a poster board she put outside the home. Reina said pumpkins in the area are often stolen and smashed, but Tommy's pumpkin was the only one of the four outside her home to be targeted. She said the pumpkin was likely among those found destroyed by neighbors.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
darling Lewis, he said BIGGEST weapon was a baseball bat. it IS the Biggest, right? a gun being smaller. that's OK tho, guys don't really know measurements... my hubby tries to say he has 8 inches! when clearly it is not)
[If you're a good wife then it is definitely 8 inches, maybe even a little bigger.]

Lewis, I love Bizarre News so much that I want to have your children. I promise I'll give them back when they're old enough for college -Andrew

Kind of gives new meaning to "shooting craps". -Tom

I would urge the proper authorities to scan the back yards of all the friends of the guy who 'tossed away' all that gold with a metal detector. I think that the gold could be found - not at the county dump, but buried on a buddy's property. Otherwise we would have had a news flash that a dumpster diver had found a fortune in gold!
[We do still have property laws (for the time being). A search like that would be very illegal.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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