Bizarre News - December 26, 2015

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

You wouldn't think lip balm is essential military equipment, but if you are stationed at the Elmendorf-Richardson Joint Air Force base in the frigid climes of Anchorage, Alaska, you are gonna need that lip balm. But NOT if it has pot in it!

An email sent to members of the base read...

"It has come to our attention that approximately 400 "SAPR Lip Balm" promotional items which contain tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) have been distributed throughout the installation. The Sexual Assault Response Coordinator office has ceased distribution of the lip balm items and requests that you dispose this product, if you received one of these items."

Well, of course. The last thing we want our flyboys and jet mechanics seeing are Aztec pyramids floating in the sky and holes in space and time and shit.

But how did pot-laced lip balm get onto a military base in
the first place? Well, the email also stated that the presence of hemp seed oil was responsible for the THC and the levels were not significant enough to register on a drug test; however, a certain guideline prohibits the use of hemp seed products.

So in other words, you as the tax-payer paid for a product that has a chemically insignificant trace amount of an all-natural product, and then you paid to have it all thrown away because of a line of text in some bureaucratic footnote, despite the fact that the hemp seed oil would have no effect whatsoever (other than making lips soft and supple).

But the real twist in this story is who was distributing the product. Why is the Sexual Assault Response Coordinator office distributing lip balm in the first place? Does lip balm provide some protection from sexual assault that I don't know about?

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Driver in police chase revealed as 13-year-old taking 8-year-old sister on joyride --*
CLINTON TOWNSHIP, Mich. - Police in Michigan said a 13-year-old boy loaded his 8-year-old sister into a car and took her on a joyride that ended with a police chase. The Macomb County Sheriff's Office said a deputy investigating a report of a black Nissan Altima driving erratically Saturday night spotted the vehicle stopped at a red light about 11:30 p.m. in Clinton Township. The deputy turned on his lights, and the car pulled over, but it sped off after a few seconds and made it a short distance before the driver lost control, and the car spun out across the grassy median and into the eastbound lanes of Metropolitan Parkway. Two children, identified as the 13-year-old driver and his 8-year-old sister, then got out of the vehicle and fled on foot. Deputies chased down the children with help from Clinton Township police and determined the boy had been driving with the girl in the front passenger's seat. The girl was released to her mother, while the boy, who police said they knew from previous incidents, was detained at the Macomb Juvenile Justice Center. Police said the car belonged to the girlfriend of the children's father.


*-- Tip jar thief got $6.77 after paying $9.82 for meal he left behind --*
CHRISTCHURCH, New Zealand - The owner of a New Zealand restaurant said a man who stole a tip jar containing $6.77 forgot to take his food, which he had already purchased for $9.82. Security camera footage posted to Facebook by Nando's Riccarton restaurant in Christchurch shows the man putting the tip jar which contained about $6.77 -- 10 in New Zealand dollars -- in his bag. The suspect was confronted by owner Yateen Lallu after the man spent a few moments in the bathroom before the empty tip jar was discovered on the restroom floor. "I said to him 'there's our tip jar', and he said 'it wasn't me, it must have been someone else'. I said 'are you sure? Are you telling the truth?' And he told me to check his bag and check the security cameras and I started to doubt myself," Lallu told Stuff.co.nz. He said the man fled while he was reviewing security footage. Lallu said the man's crime didn't turn any profit -- he had already paid $9.82, 14.50 New Zealand dollars, for a meal that he left behind. "So it wasn't worth it, he had a bad day. It was not good karma for the poor bloke," Lallu said. Police said they are looking into whether the man in the CCTV footage is the same man caught on camera in November stealing security cameras from the Casa Dei Bambini preschool in Richmond.

***
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