Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

This is exactly how a zombie movie would start. A man has been sentenced to prison for attacking two women on a northeastern Pennsylvania sidewalk while bloody and naked, and gnawing on the head of one of them.

A Scranton newspaper reports a judge sentenced 21-year-old Richard Cimino Jr. to between 90 days and nearly two years in prison for the attack. He had pleaded guilty to simple assault and other charges.

Cimino told Wayne County Judge Raymond Hill he was sorry. He was under the influence of a hallucinogenic drug at the time.

Investigators say Cimino had stripped naked and broke into an empty home in September, because that is what you do when a space virus reanimates your corpse, then was badly hurt jumping from a window. Authorities say he attacked the women walking down the street, gnawing on the head of one. Both escaped.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


*-- Woman, 94, heads for 67th annual bowling tournament --*
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. - A 94-year-old Florida woman said she is heading to Nevada this month for her 67th consecutive United States Bowling Congress Women's Championships tournament. Mini Tvaska of St. Petersburg, who holds the record for consecutive participation in the tournament, said she will participate in this year's May 21 event in Reno despite most of her vision being taken by macular degeneration, the Tampa Bay (Fla.) Times reported Monday. Tvaska said she throws her first ball without assistance, but then needs to be told which pins are still standing so she can attempt to aim her second throw.] She said she was initially frustrated when losing her sight. "It was but now I'm grateful for what I can see. I do the best I can," she said. Matt Cannizzaro, media relations manager for the USBC Open and Women's Championships, said officials are proud to have Tvaska as an annual competitor. "Mini has displayed admirable dedication to the sport of bowling, and we're glad to have her as a representative," he said. "She lights up the event as soon as she walks in."


*-- Police: Man tried to steal Zamboni --*
OKLAHOMA CITY - Police in Oklahoma said they arrested a man accused of trying to steal a Zamboni from a convention center. Oklahoma City police said Spencer Holt, 24, attempted to take the Zamboni from the Cox Convention Center but was unable to get the mammoth ice-smoothing vehicle out of the building, KWTV, Oklahoma City, reported Monday. Security guards were able to subdue Spencer, who police said was intoxicated. The charges against Holt include destruction of private property and public drunkenness.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
I see where a woman could save a few hundred bucks. The woman who was cited for leaving the scene of an accident when her vehicle was stuck in a tree. Tell the court she planned it and went home to get her camera.
[It is not the 'why' that is bizarre, it is the HOW!]

My first question is- how much is x-box Kinect that this guy threw $2,600 away? That is just dumb. The Xbox costs a little less than the initial $300. Gosh!
[Everybody knows that winning something is so much more satisfying than buying something...even if it costs you ten times as much to win it as it would to buy it.]

Is there any way we can send Brandenberg an Email? I often down grade the male of our species but this is the kind of "clear thinking" I fully appreciate. I married on of these. It just tears at my heart how gallant this is! I am serious! Please let him know how I and many women feel! Yes, we are bitches, but we love you! I have to go cook my man something delicious that will probably kill him, but.....? -Rose Gagnon
[I do not have an email for the man described in the last issue of Bizarre News, but I do feel like I should mention that any admissions of intent or motive, even in Bizarre News, can be used against you in a court of law. Just sayin'.]

Dear BN Lewis, Oh, come on! What TIME of day was it? As they were skinny dipping assume it was at least dusk. If completely dark, can understand it. If not, others should have just run down, kicked sand on them, and told them to take it to a motel! -Lisa J

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: LEWIS