Saturday, September 14, 2013

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

There are some sick bastards out there. Take this twisted Arizona man. 49-year-old Christopher Jackson was arrested for branded his initials onto his girlfriend.

Are they a pair of kinky fetishists? No. He was mad at her because she wouldn't go out dancing with him. And just to make sure he did the job right he branded her right on her genitals.

Back on May 15, authorities say Jackson had gone to a baseball game. After the game, he wanted to go dancing, but the victim claimed she was too tired. She told investigators he gave her some pills to stay awake, but she ended up passing out.

The victim believes she had been purposely drugged.

Court records show Jackson then used a branding tool and a butane torch to burn the initials "CJ" onto her vaginal area.

"That's pretty crazy and kind of scary," said Brett Schneidt, a neighbor. "I've lived here next to him for 12 years and he always seemed like a normal, calm guy."

Detectives say the woman didn't come forward until last month because she was fearful. She told them Jackson bragged about branding other women in the past and said he did it to her because she belonged to him.

Jackson was charged with a felony count of aggravated assault, causing a serious physical injury.

While drugging a woman and branding her vagina is pretty sick and twisted, I suppose it could be worse. He could have pushed her off a cliff.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


* Police: Woman spent investors' toilet fan money *
DELRAY BEACH, Fla. - Authorities in Florida said they arrested a woman accused of bilking four people out of more than $100,000 by getting them to invest in toilet fans. Delray Beach police said Sally Berry, 57, of Deerfield Beach, was arrested Tuesday after she convinced four people to invest in the "Pan Fan," a real device that attaches to a toilet and purifies air, the South Florida Sun Sentinel reported Thursday. Instead of buying fans, Berry allegedly spent the money on clothes, dinners, spa treatments and other personal expenses, police said. Berry was charged with fraud and released after posting $4,500 bail.

*-- Woman's long name doesn't fit on driver's license --*
HONOLULU - A Hawaiian woman whose last name is 35 letters long said the state has told her to shorten it to fit on a state-issued ID card. Janice "Lokelani" Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele said she has been carrying both her driver's license and her state ID for the past 20 years because her driver's license could only fit her last name, and even that was missing its final letter, KHON-TV, Honolulu, reported Thursday. She said the state ID was able to fit her full name. "The governor's office went back into the computer department and they found a way to put our name on our state ID," Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele said. However, she said her state ID expired in May, and the replacement issued to her by the state has the same name problem as the driver's license. Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele said county officials told her to use her maiden name or shorten her last name. However, she said the name is all she has left of her late husband. Department of Transportation spokeswoman Caroline Sluyter said the issue is being looked at by officials. "We have been made aware of that issue and I know right now they are working to extend that limit to, I believe, 40 characters so that issue can be resolved," the spokeswoman said.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Anna, Guns don't "somehow go off." A trigger must be pulled, typically by a human finger. The vast majority of hand guns have safety systems designed in. Only when a person defeats the safety or fails to use it can a weapon be fired without someone pulling the trigger. Had the weapon been fired inside the large intestine, the result would have been almost certain death. No matter what the bullet may have damaged, the muzzle blast would have resulted in life-threatening injuries. -Horace
[You really know how to suck all the humor out of a comment.]

Lewis, Here is something you don't hear of too often. A husband has his wife arrested for giving him a blow job. (Adelaide, Australia, Advertiser newspaper) I wonder what TZ would say about this? -John

Lewis, now I'm confused. Didn't two CO state senators just get their royal rumps kicked by the voters yesterday for infringing on gun rights? Those cops better be careful, the righteous wrath of CO voters might descend on them next. I know it's impossible to get all the details in a story you weren't working on but nothing in the story indicates why possession of a black powder pistol should excite the cops' interest. After all, it's only a single shot weapon - something even sissy liberals say they're comfortable with. [Because cops believe only they should be armed. No matter what. It's safer for them that way. Not necessarily safer for us, but safer for them.]

Hiya Lewis. I love your column but I wish it was longer. Dang, if I had a dollar for every time I heard a woman paraphrase that very sentiment! -Andrew
[You know a lot of women who complain to you that my column isn't long enough? Weird.]

Lewis, Did you notice the problem with the newlywed pushing her new husband "on his back" when if she were telling the truth he should have been facing her the way she told it. He was looking over the cliff and she pushed him from behind to throw him over. Premeditated first degree murder! Nasty bitch if you want my opinion. -Wes
[It just reinforces what I've always said, never turn your back on an angry woman!]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
Missed an Issue? Visit the Bizarre News Archives

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: LEWIS