Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I felt a great disturbance; as if a thousand fan boys screamed out at once and were suddenly silenced. At least that is what I imagine it was like when a Montana television station's regular programming was interrupted by news of a zombie apocalypse.

The Montana Television Network says hackers broke into the Emergency Alert System of Great Falls affiliate KRTV.

KRTV says on its website the hackers broadcast that, 'dead bodies are rising from their graves' in several Montana counties.

The alert claimed the bodies were 'attacking the living' and warned people not to 'approach or apprehend these bodies as they are extremely dangerous.'

I can just picture thousands of single, 30-year-old virgins in the Great Falls area scouring their parents' basement for their replica 'Highlander' swords in anticipation of decapitating some walking dead, and then sinking into a depression of disappointment when the network said there was no emergency.

The station's engineers are investigating and the hoax alert has not generated any calls to police.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


*-- Taiwan zoo to dissect poop as attraction --*
TAIPEI, Taiwan - Zoo officials in Taiwan are turning to an odd point of interest to draw visitors during the winter season: animal poop. The Taipei Zoo, seeking to capitalize on renewed interest in animals after the release of the 3-D movie "Life of Pi," directed by Taiwanese-born filmmaker Ang Lee, said it will dissect and explain the contents of animal poop three times per week for any zoo visitors interested in the smelly demonstration. The movie depicts a young Hindu boy who survives a shipwreck and is stranded on a lifeboat for 227 days. Several animals join him on the surrealist journey. As for how that translates into dissecting poop, zoo officials explained the display has a pointed demographic similar to the movie, Central News Agency said Sunday. "Somehow the poo topic is very stimulating for boys from 5 to 9 years old. They could be our target audience during winter vacation," project manager Lin Jun-lan said.


*-- Ear lobe bitten off in brawl --*
STAMFORD, Conn. - A man's ear lobe was bitten off and swallowed by his cousin during a brawl over loud music in Stamford, Conn., police said. Emilio Mendoza, 27, was charged with first-degree assault, interfering with police, forgery and disorderly conduct. After he was released from a hospital, the injured man Ruiz Clemente-Perez, 39, was charged with third-degree assault, police records said. Police were called to the apartment of Mendoza and Clemente-Perez early Monday morning. Clemente-Perez told police his cousin, Mendoza, began playing loud music, which started a fight. "It was a pretty bloody scene," said police Lt. Diedrich Hohn. Mendoza bit the left ear of Clemente-Perez and tore off the ear lobe, Holm said. Sgt. Richard Barbagallo said Mendoza, who was intoxicated at the time, told him he swallowed the ear lobe. Mendoza also showed the police fake identification when he was taken to police headquarters Monday, the Stamford Advocate reported. Mendoza is scheduled to be arraigned Wednesday.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
If gov't is looking to save money in their "war on drugs", they should send small planes over where they have found marijuana fields and seed as much as they can with hemp seeds. That will cross-breed the hemp with the marijuana and render the marijuana harmless. -Susanne
[Brilliant, Susanne, just brilliant. Unfortunately, that plan would take several growing seasons to have any effect.]

Lewis, I have a question? Your whipping post must be a different color from your stripping pole right? You must have a corner office just guessing? -Charlie
[No, it's a double-duty pole.]

Hey Lewis; a mom giving her son an open-mouth kiss, drugs or no drugs, is gross. Only thing more gross would be if she slipped him the tongue! --R.S.R.

Now he will become a ward of the state living on Welfare. I hope they assign him "666" as his welfare number also! He won't turn that down, then again it is Tennessee and maybe the idiot will.

I'm glad my mother taught me the importance of being well-read. You almost never see me without a book in my hand and thankfully I've passed the love of reading down to my son. It's ok to have a few "fun" classes, but if these kids think they are getting a real education taking these classes, then I fear for the future of our country. -Lisa, TX

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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Send comments and questions to: LEWIS