Saturday, August 6, 2011

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

There is crime all over the place. Every day there is news of shootings. A story just broke about two gunmen who opened fire with a handgun and an assault rifle on a bus in Philadelphia. The other night a mob at the Wisconsin state fair attacked dozens of people in what are being described as racially motivated attacks, and the economy is so bad that vagrants are stealing air conditioning units right out of peoples windows and back yards to sell for scrap metal. But don't worry, because law enforcement is out there on your side, law-abiding citizen, protecting you from....milk. Well, milk and cheese. And mangos. Mangos, people!

As environmentalism and personal health are becoming more and more important to people, the popularity of raw and organic foods has been booming. And your government doesn't like it. Specifically the FDA, Department of Agriculture and the CDC.

In California a raw foods seller was raided by the aforementioned agencies as well as by the LA County Sheriff's office. The officers went in equipped with full tactical gear, with weapons drawn...to arrest a farmer.

The officers seized raw milk supplies, most of which they dumped into the storm sewers, so you won't be threatened by that anymore, and also mangos and other fresh, organic produce which they loaded onto trucks. Interestingly...they also took all of the cash they could find. It sounds more like a shakedown than some kind of code enforcement raid.

The charges? Conspiracy (to commit what the story does not specify) and 'mislabeling cheese'. Each of the three raw food retailers arrested are being held on bonds reportedly exceeding $120,000.

Now the really bizarre thing is that growing and even selling your own food is not illegal. While a warrant still has not been produced, the most recent story I read speculated that the raid was conducted because the owner did not have a current permit to sell raw milk (that is not pasteurized). Of course, not having a permit calls for being arrested at gunpoint. We certainly don't want anybody eating raw foods in this country. So be careful if you have a vegetable garden!

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Even More Bizarre August Holidays --*
August 21 is National Spumoni Day
August 22 is Be An Angel Day
August 23 is National Spongecake Day
August 24 is Knife Day
August 25 is Kiss-And-Make-Up Day
August 26 is National Cherry Popsicle Day
August 27 is Petroleum Day
August 28 is World Sauntering Day
August 29 is More Herbs, Less Salt Day
August 30 is National Toasted Marshmallow Day
August 31 is National Trail Mix Day

*-- Couple offer $500 for return of toy monkey --*
NEW YORK - A New York couple is offering a $500 reward for the return of the stuffed toy monkey they have thought of as a "child" for 10 years. Jack Zinzi, 58, and Bonni Marcus, 47, said they think Bongo, an 8-inch-tall Beanie Baby Zinzi bought as a gift for Marcus 10 years ago, fell out of Zinzi's pocket around 7 p.m. Sunday while they were on their way to the El Viejo Yayo restaurant in the Park Slope neighborhood, the New York Post reported Thursday. "It's heartbreaking," Zinzi said. "It's like losing a child. We take him everywhere we go, we talk to him. We even love to stand him up and make him dance and come alive." The couple have posted signs around the neighborhood promising a $500 reward for the toy's return. They said they have a "spiritual connection" with Bongo and his absence has put a strain on their relationship.

*-- Tennis pro goes to wrong Carlsbad --*
CARLSBAD, Calif. - A Serbian tennis pro said she arrived at the Mercury Insurance Open in California minutes before her match because her travel agent sent her to the wrong city. Bojana Jovanovski, 19, said she arrived at the airport Sunday night and called about her absent driver to discover her travel agent had sent her to Carlsbad, N.M., instead of Carlsbad, Calif., the Carlsbad (N.M.) Current-Argus reported Thursday. Jovanovski said she spent the night in the airport and arrived at the correct Carlsbad the next day a mere 30 minutes before the start of her scheduled match. However, she said she was afforded an extra 15 minutes because the previous two matches both went to three sets. Jovanovski lost the match against No. 23 Roberta Vinci after three sets.

*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Regarding your comment about police iqs, there is an article from the NY Times about Robert Jordan back in 1999 who was refused by the City of New London police because he scored too high on their tests. They were afraid he would get bored on the job and quit after the city spent all that money to train him. He took the police to court and lost.

Anyone who tells you that Aussies actually eat kangaroo meat is full of it. An Aussie friend of mine told me this: their meat is tough, stringy, and has no taste. I'm not a
vegetarian, but I do know that not all animals can be made into edible meat. -Ken
[And here I thought Australians would eat just about anything.]

Regarding the young lady you commented on, not sure she is all that technologically savvy if the vibrator was in her PURSE... P
[Why? Is your cell phone attached to your ear even when you are not using it?]

A comment about Jason, the man who drove off with a bank bag full of cash on the roof of his car: he claimed the money was for the mortgage and house remodeling. Neither of these are payable by check or credit card? -John
[I know plenty of home repair and service guys who would be happy to take cash! Or maybe he is one of these New World Order conspiracy theorists who is afraid to use electronic currency.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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