Saturday, March 9, 2013
Greetings fellow Bizarros:My long-time readers know that I try not to get political very often, mostly because politics pisses me off too much and I just don't have the time to be that pissed off about politics. There are too many other things I have to be pissed off about.
But every now and then I come across something so egregious, so hypocritical that it cannot be ignored.
I'm talking about this sequester business, or more specifically, the fear mongering and demagoguery that has been used to play these minor spending cuts off as an economic doomsday for the United States.
President Obama and his pitchmen and sycophants have been desperately trying to scare us about the austerity we will have to face as this 2 percent cut in spending takes effect.
But before we start preparing ourselves for soviet-era shortages of basic goods and services we should take into account some of the spending that is still going on in other areas.
For example, your new Secretary of State John Kerry recently announced $60 million for a new fund for "direct support of key engines of democratic change," including Egypt's entrepreneurs. And this $60 million is only the first part of a package that will climb to $300 million over time.
Some people could argue that supporting a democratic government and the economic health of one of our strategic allies in the Middle East is more important than spending at home. I wouldn't be one of them, but the argument could be made.
Where it gets really bizarre is a story I just read about a federal grant which was just given to the University of California San Diego in the amount of $550,000 to research "safer sex intervention for male clients of female sex workers in Tijuana."
Your tax money...going to research Tijuana hookers.
So when some talking head goes on TV to tell you that meat and poultry plants will have to stop production because USDA Food Safety Inspectors will have to be furloughed, remember...Tijuana hookers.
3 hour wait times at airports because the TSA can't afford to hire any more thugs to feel up your wife?
Tijuana hookers.
Fewer air traffic controllers?
Tijuana hookers.
Needy patients not getting care, even hospitals closing because of cuts to Medicare payments?
Tijuana hookers.
Thousands of teachers other educators laid off?
Tijuana hookers.
No money to deploy aircraft carriers in answer to threats from the Middle East (I thought we had friends over there to whom we were giving all sorts of money)?
Tijuana hookers.
Bizarrely,
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Email Lewis *- Tampons by subscription ease period pain -*NEW YORK, March 7 - There's book of the month, fruit of the month, beer of the month and now a U.S. entrepreneur has launched tampon of the month. Naama Bloom this week began HelloFlo, a subscription service for a monthly need, The Verge reported. "No one actually enjoys the experience of buying tampons," Bloom told the tech/science/art/culture website, adding HelloFlo's packaging is discreet. HelloFlo will ensure women have the proper supplies and they don't have to worry about running out late at night because they were caught unawares. "For some reason, it's just something that drives me crazy," Bloom said. "First of all, the product packaging is wrong -- if you need overnight pads, you have to buy a whole box that's going to last you all year. It seems so simple to just create a multi-pack that actually makes sense." And for those who don't think there's money in the idea, Bloom notes it's an $8 billion market in the United States.
*-- Man who dressed as Hitler cleared --*JONKOPING, Sweden - A Swedish court threw out hate crime charges against a 24-year-old man who went to a costume party dressed as Adolf Hitler. The Jonkoping District Court ruled the man did not intend to appear threatening or disrespectful to any group when he donned a costume resembling the Nazi dictator, complete with a swastika armband and small mustache, the Swedish news agency TT reported Friday. "My client went to a costume party and the point wasn't to express some political or other view. Rather, it was simply to represent a Nazi," attorney Mats Erfors said. "He wasn't walking around the city with a swastika." However, the man was convicted on weapons charges after a shotgun and a stun gun were found at his apartment.
*-- READER COMMENTS --*It seems to me that if you start writing laws about what the victim of a crime can do you have a serious issue. One of the consequences of committing a crime is you take risks. Hopefully some of those risks will encourage people not to commit crimes. For example how many people will pull plastic guns to commit crimes when they realize it could get them shot? The problem isn't the victims here. There should certainly be no "right" to commit a robbery or a rape "safely". If you are a selfish jerk who commits crimes and something bad happens to you: Better you than the victim(s). -John
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I would agree to an extent. There is such thing as excessive punishment. Does the punishment fit the crime if some dumb kid gets shot for shoplifting?]
Lewis, After living in Maryland my entire life, I am ready to move because of the morons in Maryland who so uptight about guns. The governor wants to strip its citizens of their 2nd amendment rights and the idiots that follow him apparently think the shape of a gun is scary. -Lucy
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It was sure scary to those bank employees in last issue's story!]
Lewis; I've never understood why the laws require even flat-chested women and little girls have to cover their chests in public but fat guys with man-boobs don't have to cover their chests. --R.S.
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Are you suggesting that flat-chested women should have the right to go topless or that men with man boobs should have to wear a top? Because I think I just might agree with either suggestion.]
Lewis, I thought you might find this article interesting, "BRAZIL - Just when you think you had heard it all, another malicious and alarming crime committed by a criminal priest surfaces. This one has to be one of the most shocking yet... an Evangelical Pastor managed to abuse victims after convincing them that his penis contains HOLY MILK. This criminal pastor claimed that the Holy Spirit would secrete from his penis in the form of "sacred milk". This pastor said that his penis was blessed and that "the Lord had consecrated him with divine milk of the Holy Spirit" and, of course, he had to release it in order to evangelize."
[
If he ever gets herpes he would probably say that it is the blood of the savior coming out.]
*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*Missed an Issue? Visit the Bizarre News ArchivesWell, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
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