Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

We should have expected something like this from Australia. It seems a man had to go to the hospital to have a 4-inch fork removed from his penis after it became lodged there during a sex act.

Apparently he was trying to achieve sexual climax, although how a cocktail fork was supposed to help with that was not made clear.

The incident was described in a recent medical journal by three surgeons who operated on the man to remove the kitchen utensil. They eventually managed to retrieve the object after using a large amount of lubrication and forceps, while the man was given a general anesthetic. I would hope so. I wouldn't want to be awake for that. Then again, I wouldn't shove a for up my pee-hole for kicks either, so who knows with this guy.

"It is apparent that the human mind is uninhibited let alone creative," they wrote in the International Journal of Surgery Case Reports.

You don't say.

The kicker to this whole bizarre incident is that the victim (for lack of a better descriptor) is 70-years-old. I guess at that age a little barely legal Internet porn and a tube of lube doesn't cut it anymore. But a cocktail fork? You know, now I'm kind of curious...

Bizarrely,
Lewis

Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


*-- Man named Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop arrested for drugs --*
MADISON, Wis. - Police in Wisconsin said an unusually named man, Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop, was charged with possession of marijuana with intent to manufacture. The 32-year-old man, who was born Jeffrey Drew Wilschke and had his name legally changed in October 2011, allegedly had drugs and paraphernalia during a July 20 traffic stop, court records said. Washington County records said Zopittybop-Bop-Bop, of Madison, was driving a minivan with an expired registration when a Washington County sheriff's deputy pulled him over for weaving between lanes. Deputies found .60 ounces of marijuana in a Mason jar, more than 100 small, plastic bags, two scales, marijuana grinders and marijuana pipes in the vehicle, The (Cedar Rapids, Iowa) Gazette reported Friday. Zopittybop-Bop-Bop and his passenger, Zachary R. Marinan, of Davenport, had a combined $1,800 in cash. Zopittybop-Bop-Bop is scheduled for trial Sept. 17 and if convicted could face a possible five years in prison and a $7,500 fine.


*-- Deli owner throws hot oil on alleged robber --*
LINDEN, N.J. - Police in New Jersey said a deli owner fended off an alleged robber by throwing hot oil on the armed suspect. Linden police said the owner of Cos's Corner Deli, who asked his name not be used, threw scalding oil on a suspect who came into the store at 2:06 p.m. Monday, pointed a handgun at him and demanded money from the cash register, The (Newark) Star-Ledger reported Tuesday. "It's like 350 degrees. I think that got him, he felt the heat, that's when he ran away," the deli owner said. "I couldn't just stand here and watch him take my money. We don't rob people to make money. We work 12 to 15 hours a day to put bread on the table," the man said. Police said the suspect's face was partially obscured by his coat, but investigators are attempting to identify him from surveillance camera footage.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Seems Florida is the most 'Bizarre' state in these United States... more Bizarre News comes out of there. And now I am moving there in Sept! Will I become more Bizarre then I already am? -Barbara
[Good luck. How would you like to be my Florida correspondent?]

Just how long has the Bizarre News been around. I think I started subscribing around '97 or '98. (Any chance you could look up that, too? lol) I look forward to my Saturday and Wednesday letters. Thanks, Gene
[Heck, Bizarre News was around for a couple years before we bought it in 1998. Yes, that was during the Internet boom when things like blogs and newsletters were intellectual properties that were actually worth money.]

Lewis; I've heard that looking at too much internet porn can lead to blindness so I quit after I needed glasses. Okay, it's an old joke but still good for a laugh. --R.S.
[Nope. Sorry.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
Missed an Issue? Visit the Bizarre News Archives

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: LEWIS