Bizarre News - September 19, 2015

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Speaking of gun control...

A Wisconsin man who accidentally shot his roommate while teasing a cat with the laser sight was fined $50 after pleading guilty to a weapons crime.

Vaughn Rothering, 22, will pay a total of $591 including court costs and will be eligible to have the felony conviction for injury by negligent handling of a dangerous weapon expunged.

According to a criminal complaint, Rothering and his roommate were on the porch of their Onalaska residence when Rothering let their cat chase the laser of his 9mm pistol; he said he was spinning the gun in his hand when it went off and struck his roommate in the ankle.

Prosecutors requested only a fine in return for Rothering's guilty plea, acknowledging the incident was an accident and he has no criminal history. If not expunged, his felony conviction would prohibit him from possessing firearms.

He will also be required to pay restitution, though the amount has yet to be determined.

"You could have easily killed your friend," La Crosse County Circuit Judge Ramona Gonzalez told Rothering. "You've probably punished yourself more than we could ever punish you."

"I feel terrible about it," said Rothering.

The cat was unharmed.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


*-- Man ticketed for drunken ride: 'Horse knows the way home' --*
DENHAM SPRINGS, La. - A Louisiana man busted for drunkenly riding his horse down a stretch of highway said he believes his choices were safe because "the horse knows the way home." The Livingston Parish Sheriff's Office said Jake Williams drove his truck and horse trailer to a daiquiri shop in Denham Springs and he decided to ride the horse rather than drive home in the early morning hours Tuesday. Williams was stopped while riding the horse, named Sugar, on the side of Highway 16. Deputies issued Williams a summons for disturbing the peace by public intoxication. The sheriff's office said riding a horse would not qualify Williams for a DWI. A family member was summoned to take Williams and his horse home. Williams said he thought riding the horse home was a good idea. "When you get a little too much to drink, why not ride a horse?" he told WBRZ-TV. "It's safer that way. The horse knows the way home." However, Williams said he learned his lesson from the summons and will refrain from riding while intoxicated in the future.


*--- Burglars hit Verizon store, only steal fake phones ---*
COLUMBUS, Ohio - Police in Ohio's capital said thieves broke into a Verizon store, but the only items they managed to steal were fake phones used as display pieces. Columbus police said the early Wednesday burglary at the store caused significant damage to the store, but the only items stolen were fake phones installed for display after the store was previously targeted by thieves. Police said the culprits used large rocks to break the glass back door of the shop and they cut or ripped the phony cellphones from display areas. Investigators said the store's real phones are locked in a vault by employees every night.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
I never had a problem with your personal opinions. Opinions are like buttholes, everyone has one and they usually stink! Disarming everyone is a terrible idea. It allows only the government and criminals to have firearms. You sound like a government shill when you speak that way. You will Never change my mind, nor a minds of millions. I agree to disagree with you on this subject. But I must say I am disappointed you believe that way.
[I definitely appreciate your calm and considered input, but you completely missed half of my argument. I agree that the major reason for an armed populace is an armed government (the MAJOR reason, not the only reason), which is why I said the plan would only work if the police and the military were (almost) completely disarmed. Effectively, we would not have a military. This is the 21st Century. The world does not need huge standing armies anymore. Besides, both Canada and Mexico are our long-time allies. If there were an 'incident' they would support us. Hopefully you aren't suggesting that you wouldn't trust the Mexican army to protect our southern border and the Gulf of Mexico... 'cause that would be racist.]

England tried that, it's not working, now they have moved on to knives, that won't work either. You want one workable control, just find a way to keep weapons out of criminals hands, not the law abiding citizens... Maybe form a "no gun" data base, kinda like the no fly data base.
[Sorry, wouldn't work. Eventually everybody would be on the 'no gun' data base...except, of course, the military, police, and the army of armed state and federal bureaucrats. Did you know that the NOAA (that's right, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration), the Environmental Protection Agency, the Bureau of Land Management and the Library of freaking Congress all have armed officers? So a librarian will be licensed to pack while you're in the 'no gun' data base. No, it has to be all or nothing.]

Lewis, Your gun control plan hinges on the idea that people, groups, and the government WILL give up their guns, Even in cultures where guns are not legal criminals still seem to manage to get them. Do you really want to live in a place where only the criminals have guns? I think we used to call that the USSR. -Charles T. Rich
[Of course. There will be some leakage over the borders. If you recall, I cited border patrol and coast guard as two exceptions to the disarmament rule. But they would not operate INSIDE the U.S. Even still, there would be a tiny bit of leakage. Wouldn't that be an acceptable price to pay to practically eliminate gun violence? Wouldn't, say, one shooting incident a year be better than the over 10,000 firearm related homicides we suffer in this country every year? I say it would be about 10,000 times better.]

Great idea disarming the whole country Lewis! By the way, when you stop by my house to get my gun I'm going to shoot you right in your vagina. -Jim
[Good one.]

You should remember that they banned gun in Germany and what happened, the citizens lost theirs and then the ruling leaders did what they wanted to the citizens. That is why guns should not be banned, but I do agree that they should have a back ground check before buying them. Do you really believe criminals will give up theirs?
[No. There will be many hold-outs, but they will be eliminated eventually. And if you keep your illegal firearm hidden forever, it is as good as eliminated anyway.]

You really do not understand the reason for crime. You are from Chicago (the highest crime and corrupt government) and prove it with your thinking. To blame a object is wrong, it is the person using the object that is the problem. Remember the government has passed laws to protect the mentally handicapped so they can not be tracked have you ever wondered why the most school shooting are by the mentally handicapped. People vote objects do not. Spend some time thinking about the real problem. -Les Morgan
[So it's not the object, but the person using it? Then everybody should have access to poison gas and biological agents too...as long as they pass a background check, of course.]

I'm afraid some of your readers may have missed your attempt at humor when you said we in the USA need to involuntarily remove the 300 million guns the people have, so we could be just like Lichtenstein, Andorra, and Micronesia, tiny states where hardly anybody had guns to begin with. Of course, it's ridiculous to expect to criminals to turn in their guns, as they are criminals. Your joke is funny but not obviously enough funny to be funny. -Kaz
[John Milton had the same problem.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
***
Missed an Issue? Visit the Bizarre News Archives

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: LEWIS