Saturday, April 21, 2012

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I have seen some crazy ideas when it comes to meeting and socializing with people of the opposite sex. "Dating" in the common parlance. I'm sure you remember blind dating. The 80s saw the rise of video dating. Then there was speed dating. Now we have online dating. But in the never-ending quest to get in the pants of your one-true-love, social science has come up with yet another, and ever more bizarre form of dating; pheromone parties.

Pheromones are the unique, chemical signature that everyone's body puts out which triggers a social response in others. There are alarm pheromones, food trail pheromones and sex pheromones.

So how does a pheromone party work? Dirty T-shirts.

For $30, Pheromone Parties will help you find your next date, or perhaps the love of your life by smelling their stale, sweaty clothes.

To prepare for the natural scent event, you sleep in the same cotton t-shirt for three nights in a row to bag your own "odor print." You bring the shirt to the party in a Ziploc, which is given a number, with bags marked blue for boys and pink for girls.

Throughout the bash, you're invited to smell the shirts as you wish. Once you find the one that really gets you going, a photographer takes your picture with the bag of your choosing. The images are shown on a running slideshow, and if you see someone holding your number, then you've found your musk match.

If this doesn't sound creepy, or at least off-putting to you, just think about the inevitable evolution of the pheromone party (if it proves successful); dirty underwear. I'm in.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Spanish 'Smurfs' town attracts tourists --*
JUZCAR, Spain - The mayor of a small Spanish town said the village has seen a dramatic increase in tourism since its homes were painted blue for last year's film "The Smurfs." Mayor David Fernandez Tirado of Juzcar said his village has received about 125,000 visitors since the film came out last summer and residents voted in December 2011 to keep the village blue to spur tourism, The Telegraph, Britain, reported Thursday. "The number of visits is not going down," Tirado said. "Apart from colder, wintry days, it's been quite the opposite -- it's continuing to spark a lot of interest." The village was painted blue in 2011 to film scenes for "The Smurfs" and villagers are now holding weekly "Smurf markets" to sell Smurf-related souvenirs and foods. Tirado said the blue color of the village's houses might not be permanent. "We'll see how everything is going in a while," he said.

*-- Man, 92, still working at post office --*
PITTSFORD, N.Y. - A New York state man who began working for the U.S. Postal Service when he was 70 is now 92 and the oldest postal worker in a district including eight states. Officials said Charles Cook, of Pittsford, who works as a supervisor at the mail processing center in Henrietta, is the oldest employee in a district including Ohio, Pennsylvania, Kentucky, Tennessee, Delaware, and portions of New York, West Virginia and New Jersey, the Rochester (N.Y.) Courier Democrat reported Thursday. "I say, 'If you think I'm going to be replaced and they're going to bring in some greenhorn to do my job, you're crazy,'" Cook said. "I'm going to be here for another 25 years." Cook said he began his career with the Postal Service after a doctor told him when he was 70 he should seek out a job with a lot of physical activity to extend his life.

*-- READER COMMENTS --*
I would like to suggest the fire solution and also suggest about 50 gallons of bar-b-que sauce and about 250 lbs of potato salad.

I have a woman friend who makes penis and boobie cakes for people's birthdays. She also makes penis and boobie suckers for those who want them. She turned her service into a money making one and is making money hand over fist!! -Patti
[This idea is not new. Women have been enjoying carving up penis cakes at bachelorette parties for decades.]

Lewis, Burning the cabin might also set the woods on fire. When the British tried to burn dead cows from the mad cow disease and hoof and mouth, they realized it takes a whole lot of fuel and heat to burn up a cows' body. They can compost the cows. A whale has been composted so the bones can be used for display. They will need a wood chopper. Since it is a forest, the trees will provide the needed carbon source. Composting dead farm animals has been found to be the most ecologically safe method of disposal. It is not fast but what remains is fertilizer. --Jim
[The whole idea was to keep a half dozen rotting cow corpses from poisoning a nearby spring. But I guess if you don't care about all the little woodland creatures dying horrible deaths, then yeah, that would be the way to go!]

Why on Earth would somebody handcuff a six-year-old? Do the police really have that right? If they can be permitted to do that, then what's next? Tasing a three-year-old who won't eat his dinner, or shooting a five-year-old because she won't share her crayons? -Chris
[It's procedure. Any arrestee is to be hand-cuffed, no matter what. If they aren't the arresting officer is liable. And that, boys and girls, is how bureaucracy works.]

Lewis, I wonder if that six year old who threw the tantrum was strip searched when they got her down to police headquarters? -Stan
[Excellent question, Stan! This was actually in the news recently. A federal judge ruled that anybody who is incarcerated for any reason, whether they are guilty or not, even whether they have been charged with anything or not, can be strip searched for safety reasons. So if the little girl was held she should have been strip searched. That is what's called equal application of the law.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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