Saturday, December 10, 2011

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

There is child discipline and then there is spanking college-aged girls. And the conviction that was just handed down proves that life hardly ever unfolds like the plot of a cheap porno.

A Virginia restaurant owner accused of spanking three young women he was helping financially has pleaded guilty to aggravated sexual battery.

Henry Allen Fitzsimmons was sentenced to two years in prison after he entered his plea in a Virginia Beach court.

Authorities say the 54-year-old Fitzsimmons agreed to provide an allowance and college tuition to the women under a so-called scholarship program. As part of the plan, the women agreed to be spanked if they violated certain rules, such as failing to call Fitzsimmons or drinking alcohol.

And while the constant fear of being spanked or having their stipends suspended might not have fomented a good attitude toward college, it probably made for good preparation for careers in sex work.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Oldest living dog dead at 26 --*
SAKURA, Japan - The Japanese owner of the canine certified as the world's oldest living dog by Guinness World Records said the dog has died at the age of 26 years, 9 months. Yumiko Shinohara of Sakura said Pusuke, a male crossbreed, died Monday afternoon after refusing to eat in the morning and appearing to have difficulty breathing, Kyodo News reported Thursday. Shinohara said Pusuke died only a few minutes after she arrived home from running errands. "I think (Pusuke) waited for me to come home," she said. The dog, which had aged to the equivalent of 125 years in human terms, was certified in December 2010 as the world's oldest living dog.

*-- Police seek 'Chewbacca' gunman --*
WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - Police in Florida said they were searching for a man who wore a Chewbacca mask when he and a pair of young men were involved in a shooting. West Palm Beach Police said they responded to a report of a shooting Nov. 30 and a woman who witnessed the incident said the Chewbacca-masked shooter was driving a car with two men -- later identified as Jodeci Lamar Window, 19, and Mario Johnson, 21 -- when they pulled up to a home and began shooting at Kyle Roney, the South Florida Sun Sentinel reported Thursday. The witness said Roney, who was on the front stairs of a home and was not injured, is suspected by a local gang of being involved in a drug theft. Police said Roney did not cooperate with the investigation. The woman said the shooters drove off when a man she identified as "Saint" returned fire. The witness picked Window and Johnson, who were not masked, out of a photo lineup. They were arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Lewis..About that Australian state lawmaker who got off Scot free despite his sexual escapades due to the "side effects" of the drugs he was on.... the Australians should call it the "Clinton Defense" -BB
[But Clinton didn't have Parkinson's. What he had was a marriage to one ugly, frigid *****. Not that that excuses anything!]

Is the medication available here in the states over the counter? Looks like a good defense for way too many pedophiles. -Scott
[I'm curious too, because the hell with Viagra.]

Lewis, I couldn't believe my ears when I saw on the news last night that the Senate is trying to make beastiality legal for military personnel! I know it's because don't ask, don't tell finally got ousted, but is this serious? If I see a sailor near my dog I'm gonna shoot him in the ass! What is your take on all this?? -Patty
[Yes, that issue was actually in question this week. For the past few days, White House and Pentagon officials have fielded uncomfortable queries on whether they are working to decriminalize sex with animals as part of efforts to update the Uniform Code of Military Justice. Just in case you weren't sure, bestiality is still illegal in the U.S. military.]

That former Australian parliamentarian must have been on some awfully strong medication leaving him with a permanent hard on and insatiable libido- some of those dalliances were even with Tranny's!
[Apparently when you have hyper-sexuality AND Parkinsons you can't be too choosey.]

Hey, Lewis, I showed a friend of mine your Best Of Bizarre News books and he wants his own copies. Are they still available? -Chris
[Now that would make a fun (and cheap!) little Christmas gift. Just click the link at the bottom of the page.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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