Bizarre News - November 15, 2014

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Here is a fun consequence of the recent trend toward conservatism in this country; new and more stringent anti-abortion laws are being passed, many of which advance the "personhood" rights of fertilized eggs, embryos and fetuses.

You might be thinking, 'Good! Way too many women are getting abortions to the point where it has become a form of birth control,' and I would agree with you, but an interesting side-effect of this legal interpretation is that it is being used to deprive some women of their human, constitutionally protected rights.

Such laws are increasingly being used as the basis for actually arresting women who have no intention of ending a pregnancy and for preventing women from making their own decisions about how they will give birth.

Here are a few illustrative anecdotes:

1. In Iowa, a pregnant woman who fell down a flight of stairs was reported to the police after seeking help at a hospital. She was arrested for "attempted fetal homicide."

2. In Utah, a woman gave birth to twins; one was stillborn. Health care providers believed that the stillbirth was the result of the woman's decision to delay having a cesarean. She was arrested on charges of fetal homicide.

3. In another case, a woman who had been in labor at home was picked up by a sheriff, strapped down in the back of an ambulance, taken to a hospital, and forced to have a cesarean she did not want. When this mother later protested what had happened, a court concluded that the woman's personal constitutional rights 'clearly did not outweigh the interests of the State of Florida in preserving the life of the unborn child.'

And it's getting more and more common. Last year, The New York Times published a peer-reviewed study documenting 413 arrests or equivalent actions depriving pregnant women of their physical liberty.

Even in these few examples you might notice a trend; it is the health care providers who frequently involve the law in what, under normal circumstances, should be a personal vent.

So here is my solution; cut out the middle-man. Let's combine reproductive health care with law enforcement. It would be a simple matter of deputizing obstetricians.

Or we could just automatically put all pregnant women in detention - for their own good and the good of the babies, of course. It would definitely be easier on the rest of us.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


*- France changes rules to allow kitchen toilets -*
PARIS (UPI) - French officials announced a law change that will allow homeowners to install toilets in their kitchens and living rooms. Minister of Housing Sylvia Pinel and Minister of Ecology Segolene Royal announced in the French government's Official Journal Nov. 8 they are doing away with a law requiring toilets to be kept separate from kitchens and living rooms. The ministers wrote they were doing away with "the prohibition of direct communication between the [bathrooms] and kitchens and living rooms" as part of "a process of simplification of regulations." The decree goes into effect Dec. 1.


*-- 91-year-old alive in morgue 11 hours after 'death' --*
LUBARTOW, Poland (UPI) - A 91-year-old Polish woman who was declared dead was found to be alive inside her body bag in a morgue's cold storage area 11 hours later. Janina Kolkiewicz's niece, Bogumila Kolkiewicz, said she called her family's physician, Dr. Wieslawa Czyz, when she found her aunt was not breathing and did not seem to have a pulse at their Lubartow home. Czyz confirmed the elder Kolkiewicz was deceased and wrote out a death certificate for the woman. However, the death certificate had to be invalidated when morgue staff found Kolkiewicz moving inside of her body bag. Kolkiewicz returned home, where her family helped her warm up with soup and pancakes, her niece said. "I was sure she was dead," Czyz told television station TVP. "I'm stunned, I don't understand what happened. Her heart had stopped beating, she was no longer breathing." Bogumila Kolkiewicz said her aunt reported feeling "normal, fine" following her ordeal. She said the older woman has no comprehension of what took place. "My aunt has no inkling of what happened since she has late-stage dementia," she told the Dziennik Wschodni newspaper. Police are investigating the incident and the Lublin District Prosecutor's Office said it has instituted criminal proceedings against the doctor.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
I hope the "Throne Thrusters" have thought this through. I imagine a porta-potty - or "dunny" as we call them down under - (parachuted or not) falling on your head, or anywhere at all, could cause some serious damage or make a serious mess if "launched" not completely empty. Michigan residents should keep their eyes on the skies.

I just hope nobody us trying to use that port-a-potty when they launch it. Although that would be quite an interesting trip to the john. -Chris

Lewis, Taking a pickaxe to a Fiat is chump change. Check out the rich dude in China. He had a problem with service for his Lambogini. He taught that dealership a lesson. He hired 9 guys to smash the shit out of the car right in front of the dealership with sledgehammers. I'm sure they will think twice about screwing a customer on service again. NOT
[The story would be better if the Chinese dude hired 9 guys to smash the shit out of a few of the DEALERSHIP'S cars.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
***
Missed an Issue? Visit the Bizarre News Archives

Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: LEWIS