Saturday, July 9, 2011

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I don't know why I continue to doubt the bizarre stories I hear. Earlier this week TZ walked into my office and asked me if I had read about the woman who stole $100,000 worth of bull cum. I don't know much about the cattle industry, but I know that a hundred large is a lot of money for something that comes out of a porterhouse's pecker. So I ignored it.

Of course yesterday I saw the actual video of the woman's arraignment. It is all true.

Karen Saum of Ohio pleaded not guilty to stealing more than $100,000 worth of bull sperm. I'm not sure exactly why she pleaded not guilty since detectives said a tip led them to the stolen semen inside her garage.

According to police, the bull sperm was from Saum's former employer, Genetic Connection.

Investigators said Saum planned to return the stolen semen to the owner of the bull in exchange for help to start a business of her own, because when you need start-up capital the first thing most people think of is holding bull cum as hostage.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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+-- Man cited for re-enacting 'Old School' --+
LINCOLN, Neb. - Police in Nebraska said a man caught streaking in the middle of a road told an officer he was "re-enacting a scene from 'Old School.'" Lincoln police said the 23-year-old man, whose name was not released, was caught running nude in the road in the neighborhood of Third and Judson streets at about 1 a.m. Monday, the Lincoln Journal Star reported Wednesday. "I'm re-enacting a scene from 'Old School,'" officers quoted the man as saying in an apparent reference to a scene from the 2003 film featuring Will Ferrell's character performing a similar stunt. Police said the officer cited the man for indecent exposure and escorted him to his nearby home, where the officer spoke to the man's 19-year-old brother. "He's an idiot," the teen said of his older sibling.

+-- Pet shop turns away drunks seeking pups --+
NEW YORK - A New York pet shop said it has instituted a policy of not allowing intoxicated customers to buy puppies. Fernanda Moritz, manager of Le Petit Puppy in the West Village, said the store sees a lot of drunk customers due to number of nearby bars and many of them seek to buy the puppies, which cost $1,200 to $3,000, the New York Daily News reported Wednesday. "It happens very often," Moritz said. "If the person is completely drunk, I won't sell them the dog... or I say they can't leave with the dog that day... I can see it in their eyes if they've been drinking." Moritz and store employees said drunken customers are more likely to experience buyer's remorse the next day when they realize the responsibility that comes with pet ownership. They said one woman returned a puppy she had named "Miller" after the beer she had been drinking the night she bought it.

+-- READER COMMENTS --+
Lewis, sounds like you are eying a hostile take over of the Daily Recipe with this issue!
[I'm afraid I can't compete with Marzee. If it involves anything more complicated than a knife and a frying pan or a grill I am usually out of my depth.]

About that dipstick in the Michigan jail who's suing to allow the inmates there to be allowed to have porn...maybe if they DID have porn, they'd have something to do with their hands besides filing dumbass law suits! -BB

Your Lamb Kebobs Sound good - actually titillating. So now you have my attention, stop the teasing and fork over the recipe. Or is this a family secret which you could give me, but then you'd be forced to resort to drastic measures to silence me hmmm? -Mary Allan
[Well, I pretty much did give you the recipe. There not much to it!]

Hi Lewis. Prisons with TVs, video games, radios and porno? Don't these guys realize that they are in there to be punished for committing crimes? Depriving convicted felons of most creature comforts shouldn't ever be questioned. Crime will never diminish as long as we continue to turn jails into hotels. -Andrew

So July 11 is National Cheer Up The Lonely Day. Let's change the name to "Mercy Screw Day". If you see someone of the opposite sex a little over weight and figure they aren't getting any, offer them a "Mercy Screw" and cheer them up. I used to give them out when I was slimmer, drinking, and the bar was calling last call. Now, maybe someone can return the favor and improve my sex life.
[Hmmmm...something tells me it was the other way around, so you may have already used up all of your mercy screws, but I'm not one to question your memory!]

+-- END OF READER COMMENTS --+
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