Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Along with the bloating, the gas, the heart burn, and the horrific pain involved with pushing a tiny human being out of their vaginas, one thing women dread about pregnancy is the morning sickness.

And there are all sorts of home remedies; eating crackers, popsicles, peppermint, ginger, emotionally abusing their husbands. But one medical professional believes he has an even better cure; oral sex.

According to Gordon Gallup, the best way to cure morning sickness during pregnancy is sperm, and not just any sperm, it should be the sperm of the person who got you pregnant.

Gallup believes the reason a pregnant woman gets morning sickness is due to the unfamiliar semen in their body due to the pregnancy.

Gallup says in his findings that the woman's body will initially reject the father's semen as an infection and react to it by vomiting.

Gallup says the best cure for morning sickness is to ingest the father's semen so her body can build up a tolerance to what's already in her body.

Gallup findings agree with the 2000 abstract from the National Center for Biotechnology Information, which showed that oral sex and swallowing sperm is correlated with a diminished occurrence of preeclampsia.

Otherwise known as the best medical abstract ever written.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Man selling 'Michael Jackson' bird poop --*
CHICAGO - A Chicago-area man put the windshield of his car up for auction because it has a bird dropping he says looks like the late pop star Michael Jackson. "One of two things will happen," said owner Brandon Tudor, an Oswego salesman and father of three. "It will go for an astronomical amount or I'll get nothing." Tudor, 29, said he was driving along U.S. Highway 30 near Big Rock Wednesday when bird poop hit the windshield of his 1996 Cadillac Seville, the Chicago Sun-Times reported. He said he immediately saw a resemblance to the pop icon and it became more obvious "after it hardened." "Everybody loves it," Tudor said. "There's not one person who's seen it that doesn't agree it looks like Michael Jackson." The minimum starting bid for the windshield is set at $500 on eBay. Until the auction closes, Tudor is keeping the bird poop image covered in plastic to protect it from washing away and parking his car in a garage.

*-- Fla. teen say he couldn't help but pinch --*
NORTH LAUDERDALE, Fla. - A Florida teenager told police he couldn't help himself when he allegedly groped a woman while shopping at Walmart. Aaron Morris, 18, North Lauderdale, allegedly told officers following his arrest Thursday he could not help reaching out and touching the woman's bottom as she shopped. "Her booty looked so good, I just couldn't resist touching it," Morris said in a report filed by Broward County sheriff's deputies. Morris was picked up a short time later at a gas station when the woman pointed him out to deputies. He was jailed on a battery charge, the South Florida Sun Sentinel reported.

*-- READER COMMENTS --*
The story of the woman with the nails growing out of her hair follicles reminds me of the old joke, Doctor to Patient: "Well, the good news is you're going to have a disease named after you."
[I didn't want to write it, but apparently you have no compunction. Well, I guess somebody had to.]

How can a healthy normal woman lose 200 pounds and consider herself to have been normal and healthy before this ailment? -Scott
[Maybe she's nine feet tall.]

A local bar that I sometimes went to had a song on their jukebox titled "Lets Get Drunk and Screw; My Water Bed Is Filled For You." Used to make the bar maid angry when we played it over and over. -John Meacham (That was during the times in California that the only time a woman could serve beer in a bar she had to be the wife of the owner, Made for some odd marriages.)
[That sounds like it belongs in our bizarre laws section.]

Here's one for you, Lewis: The poet Edward Lear was addicted to masturbation in youth and he ascribed his depression, epilepsy, and eventual partial blindness to not being able to keep his hands off his willie! Or, in his own words, a "lack of will-power." Poor man. -Michael
[Poor man? Masturbation gives everybody epilepsy...for a few seconds anyway...right at the end.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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