Bizarre News - February 7, 2015

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

An idiot in Seattle narrowly avoided strengthening the gene pool when he survived being stuck head-first down a chute attached to a railroad car for 18 hours.

Emergency crews responded to the scene after receiving 911 calls from people who heard someone yelling for help, said the Seattle Fire Department.

"We don't see these very often," spokesman Kyle Moore said. "Apparently overnight he had crawled into a hole in a void space of the car and slid head-first at a 45 degree angle down this little chute and was stuck. He could not move, and he was stuck in this very small confined space."

"If he actually successfully made it through the small hole at the end he would have just been underneath the train car," he said.

Firefighters were able to rescue the man by pulling him out by his feet. It was unclear why the man crawled into the chute.

The man was very stiff by the time firefighters got him out, but appeared not to have suffered any serious physical injury. Any preexisting brain damage is subject to speculation.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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* Comcast bill names customer as "Super B----" *
ADDISON, Ill. (UPI) - An Illinois woman said she was shocked and outraged to discover her Comcast cable TV bill referred to her as "Super [expletive]," using a word for a female dog. Mary Bauer, 63, of Addison, said she had been having trouble with her Comcast TV service and she needed to have 39 visits from technicians between November 2013 and April 2014. Bauer said four months went by without her receiving a paper bill in the mail, and when one finally arrived in the mail Wednesday it was addressed to "Super B---- Bauer." "This is a disgrace to me. Why are they doing this to me? I pay my bills. I do not deserve this," Bauer told WGN-TV. Comcast said the bill is under investigation and officials plan to contact Bauer for further information. The incident comes after Washington state resident Ricardo Brown received a Comcast bill addressed to "[Expletive] Brown," using a profanity in the place of the customer's first name. Comcast issued an apology to Brown and his wife.


*-- Inmate who walked out of North Carolina prison recaptured --*
BOLIVIA, N.C. (UPI) - Authorities in North Carolina said they have re-arrested a prison inmate who escaped from the facility by putting on a coat and walking out the front door. The Brunswick County Sheriff's Office said William Earl Hewett was found hiding in a camper on his family's property Tuesday morning, five days after his escape from the Brunswick County prison. Hewett escaped from the prison Thursday by donning a coat and posing as his brother, Curtis Hewett, who was due to be released that day, the sheriff's office said. Security camera footage from the incident shows Hewett walk through a metal detector before being pursued by a jailor. Footage taken outside the facility shows Hewett shed the coat and outrun the jail worker to make his escape. Hewett was charged with escaping from a county or municipal facility. He was also served outstanding warrants on charges of burning property and property damage. Hewett was ordered held in lieu of $3 million bond. The sheriff's office said five others, including Hewett's mother, stepfather and girlfriend, were arrested on allegations of helping to hide the suspect from authorities. Curtis Hewett is also facing charges for helping his brother escape. Brunswick County Sheriff John Ingram blamed "human error" for Hewett's escape and said one person has been fired as a result of the probe, which is ongoing.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
I can't believe a school would suspend a child for pretending he had a magic invisibility ring. He is just a child with an imagination. What is so wrong about that? -Chris
[What's wrong with that? Oh, you poor dolt! An imagination in a child is probably THE most dangerous thing. If you start out with an imaginative child you run the risk of ending up with a free thinking adult. How are you going to lie to, cheat and steal from a free thinking adult without him getting all pissed about it? The modern world needs functional idiots, the kind who get their heads' stuck in railcar chutes, not independent thinkers. Wake up and go to sleep.]

Lewis, in response to the story about the kid threatening to make his friend disappear. Since they were in the city of Kermit, Texas, wouldn't it have been easier to threaten to turn him into a frog and then make him sing "The Rainbow Connection" song? LOL -Steve
[Any frog in Texas is as likely as not to find its legs in a frying pan.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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