Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Say you are driving along the Interstate in Vermont and you come across an unconscious, 30-pound, wild bobcat lying on the side of the road. What would you do?

Well, if you are a tourist you just might stop, pick the thing up and put it in the back of your car. But when he wakes up you better have a taser handy.

A driver from out-of-state pulled this very stunt, picked up an injured bobcat from the highway, placed it into his car and drove to the nearby Vermont Welcome Center, state police said.

Once at the Welcome Center the bobcat woke up. The bobcat was gravely injured and there was concern about how to remove it from the vehicle safely.

A veterinarian from the Vermont-New Hampshire Veterinary Clinic responded to a police call for help. She said that even though the bobcat wasn't demonstrating or speaking at a political event, authorities determined the safest way to deal with it was to incapacitate it with the use of a hand-held Taser.

The bobcat was Tased through the open car window and while it was incapacitated the vet administered the sedative. The bobcat was too seriously injured to be rehabilitated and was euthanized.

"Never handle a large bird of prey, raccoon, skunk, deer, opossum, bobcat or bear," a state police spokesperson said. "While they may appear to be cute and harmless these animals have particularly powerful talons, teeth, legs, and claws. All animals are unpredictable, especially when injured or protecting babies."

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Medical pot delivery man: Ninjas robbed me --*
WEST COVINA, Calif. - Police in Southern California said a medical marijuana delivery man told them he was robbed by two people dressed as ninjas. West Covina police said the man, who is in his 40s, told investigators he was returning to his vehicle after making a delivery shortly before 10 p.m. Friday when "he was approached by two subjects in ninja costumes who chased him with batons," the San Gabriel Valley (Calif.) Tribune reported Monday. "The victim said he was scared and he dropped a bag with some marijuana and money. The suspects took it," police Lt. Alan Henley said. Police said they had no reports of other recent crimes in which perpetrators were dressed as ninjas.

*-- $26 hot dog on Rangers Ballpark menu --*
ARLINGTON, Texas - The company that handles concessions for the Texas Rangers said fans at Rangers Ballpark will be able to buy a 1-pound hot dog for $26. Concessions firm Sportsservice said the "Boomstick" hot dog, named in honor of right fielder Nelson Cruz, is topped with shredded cheese, chili, sauteed onions and fries, ESPNDallas.com reported Monday. "I don't know how many calories are in this thing, but it's got to be 2,000 or 3,000," said Casey Rapp, operations manager for Sportsservice. "We did a half-pound hot dog during the World Series and wanted to top it," Rapp said. "Our company had to have the hot dog made special and we had to find a local bakery to make the bun. The bun is like a loaf of bread just to hold this thing."

*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Hey Lewis, Can anyone figure out why we keep sending money overseas to countries who hate us, but love our money? Doesn't that put them in the same category as gold diggers? You'd think that after a while we'd know that we are just making their leaders rich, and stop pouring money into their money pit! Love your column! -S. Ketner, Altoona, PA.
[Well, one reason is if you give a country money you can influence their policy get the government to do things you want. Population control is one excellent example.]

Hi Lewis, Just wondering if you had got a seat assignment on the flight to Zimbabwe yet? You are always looking for ways to make money HOW ABOUT A CHARTER or just a large group discount prefer a direct flight save that energy Sincerely, Ready to go [i wish]

I'd say Chris is a damn fool if he marries a woman who considers a pet lizard more important than her husband. Half of that money is Chris's. He's an idiot for letting her spend it on a lizard's healthcare and a bigger idiot if he marries Lizzie the lizard lover. But then I suppose 2 fools deserve each other.
[Hopefully she will take the same amount of care for her husband's lizard.]

Lewis, if they would check the serial number of the gun they would find it belonged to the victim. He's loaning it to the women to have an excuse for his wife, "Honey, what was I to do but to take the pill and have sex numerous times? They had a weapon!"
[Nobody wants to be a dead hero.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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