Bizarre News - March 1, 2014

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

The zombie apocalypse started unobtrusively at a Mississippi funeral home where workers say they found a man alive and kicking when they opened a body bag.

Holmes County Coroner Dexter Howard calls it a miracle that 78-year-old Walter Williams is alive.

The coroner was called to Williams' home in Lexington where family members believed he had died.

Howard says Williams had no pulse and was pronounced dead.

Early the next day, workers at Porter and Sons Funeral Home were preparing to embalm Williams when he started to kick in the body bag.

Family members were called and Williams was taken to a hospital. Howard says he believes Williams' pacemaker stopped working, then started again.

Since he was discovered 'alive' Williams has not tried to bite anyone or shown an appetite for brains...yet.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Texas couple say chupacabra shot on their property --*
VICTORIA, Texas - A Texas couple said their grandson shot a creature on their property that appears to be the legendary chupacabra. Doug and Lucy Ohrt said they were with family Sunday on their ranch in Victoria County when they came across an unfamiliar animal, KAVU-TV, Victoria, Texas, reported Thursday. "My grandson ran and got the gun and shot it at 240 yards, and my grandkids said, 'Oh that's a chupacabra,'" Doug Ohrt said. The chupacabra is a legendary creature whose name translates to "goat sucker." Lucy Ohrt said the creature's long legs and big teeth resemble a coyote, but it does not look like any of the coyotes in the area. "It's usually got long hair on it and this one doesn't and that's what makes it different from a regular coyote," she said. However, wildlife biologist Josh Turner said he is not convinced the beast was a chupacabra. "I've seen squirrels, raccoons, and coyotes in this area with the same features," Turner said. "[Chupacabras are] a mythical creature. ... People see but what it really is sarcoptic mange, which is caused by a mite that bites the animal and it can be on any mammal. Dogs, cats, coyotes, foxes, and humans can get another version of it as well," Turner said.


*-- Dog with bone cancer going on bucket list adventures --*
COQUITLAM, British Columbia - A British Columbia woman said she is taking her 9-year-old dog on a series of bucket list adventures after he was diagnosed with inoperable bone cancer. Riina Cooke of Coquitlam said she decided to create a bucket list for her boxer, Romeo, to make sure the canine's final days are happy and to help her deal with her grief, the Canadian Broadcasting Corp. reported Friday. "I was just so upset for a day or two," Cooke said. "I wanted to snap out of it." "I thought, 'OK, let's make it a good experience,'" she said. Cooke said items already crossed off the list include meeting singer Bif Naked, a noted animal lover and cancer survivor, and taking a ride in a police car. Cooke said Romeo howled along with the police car's siren. Cooke said Romeo was treated to a spa day for his 9th birthday Thursday. "To me, he's my child," Cooke said. "I don't have children yet. He's my everything."


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
The best sword disarming technique is a large caliber gun in a competent persons hand. -Max

Someone wrote a comment recently about you not being you, Lewis. I have recently come to the same conclusion, the Lewis who was at Bizarre News, is no longer. The comments, made on certain subjects by the imposter, are completely opposite earlier comments made by Lewis. At least let us know who you really are. Oh yeah! And I no longer read most of the "Lewis" comments, they don't even sound like the Lewis I've come to know and love. --Rita
[I admit I have become a bit more cynical since I started writing BN 15 years ago...but I don't think my personality has changed that much. Of course...that is EXACTLY what someone who has undergone government brainwashing would say.]

Hi Lewis, Living here in Toronto, I would definitely prefer having a dog as Mayor. Anyone (or any animal) would be preferable to Rob Ford. One of our journalists here commented that some people would vote for a gerbil if it promised them lower taxes. I'd take the gerbil any day! A cat would be even better. I understand that the town of Talkeetna, Alaska, has been very successful under Mayor Stubbs, the cat at the local general store, for 17 years! Cheers, Carolyn King

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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