Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Enemas have been around for centuries, as have hazing and alcohol, but leave it to the innovative members of University of Tennessee's Phi Kappa Alpha fraternity to combine them all.

Now enemas have been around for a long time. In fact, they are still popular in certain circles for their therapeutic properties. Popular enema "recipes" include coffee, chamomile or green teas or even a dilution of lemon juice. Who am I to say what a person should or shouldn't squirt up his or her backside?

However, alcohol is a different matter altogether since whatever is in the enema is absorbed straight into the bloodstream through the colon while bypassing the liver's filters.

This important little datum was learned the hard way by 20-year-old Alexander Broughton who was admitted to UT Medical Center unconscious and unresponsive. He had a blood alcohol content level greater than 0.4, which is considered toxic and potentially deadly. Legal intoxication is 0.08.

Investigators determined the incident happened at Phi Kappa Alpha's house on campus where they found several other people, including three men, still passed out the next morning.

Investigators are working to determine if Broughton was assaulted or made the decision to engage in the behavior himself. UT suspended the Phi Kappa Alpha chapter for 30 days or until a decision is made about the chapter's future.

The one thing the story didn't specify is what kind of alcohol was used for the enema. That really makes me wonder. What do you think would make a good enema? Beer? Wine? Almost certainly not hard liquor, although with a BAC of 0.4 I wouldn't rule it out. I think personally I would go with a nice, sparkling wine.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Swedes dance to protest dance license law --*
STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Organizers of a Swedish demonstration said people danced in Stockholm's streets to protest a law requiring bars to obtain licenses to host dancing. Anders Varveus of the group Dance, Nonsense & Acceptance said more than 1,000 people gathered Saturday in Humlegarden park and listened to speeches from activists before dancing through the city toward the Tanto park, The Local.se reported Monday. The demonstrators, bearing signs with messages including "live, love, dance" and "dance or die," were protesting a law requiring owners of restaurants, bars and night clubs to obtain licenses before allowing patrons to dance. The businesses could face fines if customers are seek moving to music. Varveus described the law as "absurd, obsolete and deeply offensive." He said the licensing policy "infringes on our right to move freely." Varveus said his group is prepared if legislators refuse to abolish the law. "Then we will organize another, bigger dance demonstration," he said.


*-- Altogether now, flush! --*
BULAWAYO, Zimbabwe - The million residents of Bulawayo, Zimbabwe's second-largest city, were to all flush their toilets at precisely the same time Saturday night, officials said. The 7:30 p.m. synchronized flushing was to help prevent pipes from bursting after local officials started rationing water because of a drought, Africa Review reported. "This is done to prevent any sewer blockages as we anticipate longer periods without water in the reticulation system," city council spokeswoman Nesisa Mpofu said, who added the big flush was to be in addition to other flushes during the day. The communal flushings are expected every three days during the drought. Two of the city's five supply reservoirs have emptied and two others could go dry before the region's usual November rains. "Water rationing may be extended to 92-hour periods. The situation is very serious," Mpofu said. The situation wasn't sitting well with some. A blogger on the Zimbabwean activists website Kubatana.net wrote: "People who flush together, make revolution together? Only in Zimbabwe ... how much [expletive] from this incompetent government will we continue to tolerate?"

*-- READER COMMENTS --*
I think David is right. Hasbro is trying to take over the world with Pla-Doh. Soon we will all be Pla-Doh zombies. -Chris

That guy they caught with the goat wasn't just wearing womens clothing, he was wearing womens underwear. The local papers all ran his mug shot showing him with a bra on. -Dave
[And underwear doesn't count as clothes?]

I'm thinking the guy who was hit by a falling mattress from 30 stories should be thankful he didn't get it by a falling piano. That seems to happen so often in cartoons, it became a cliche. Would a falling piano story even make Bizarre News these days? -Dan
[Only if it fell on a coyote while he was chasing a road runner.]

3 hours to convict her? they must have wanted to be sure and get a meal out of that jury duty.. shouldn't have taken more than 15 minutes.. 10 to elect a foreman.. 5 more to convict.. that leaves a long lunch.

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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