Bizarre News - May 6, 2015

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

There is 'eating out' your ex-girlfriend and then there is eating your ex-girlfriend. One will get you an awkward next morning with someone you thought you had ended a relationship with, the other will get you a lifetime in a metal and concrete cage while criminology experts examine you through a tiny window.

This Indiana man will not have to worry about having that awkward next morning conversation with his ex.

Clark County has charged 34-year-old Joseph Oberhansley with murder and abuse of a corpse in the death of 46-year-old Tammy Jo Blanton in September.

According to court documents, Oberhansley told police he broke into Blanton's home and killed and mutilated her, then ate her heart and parts of her brain and lung.

That's right; real, live Hannibal Lecter shit.

And if you think this story couldn't possible get any worse, Clark County Prosecutor Jeremy Mull just recently asked for a rape charge to be added. In Indiana, aggravated circumstances needed for a jury to consider the death penalty include rape, burglary and dismemberment.

I didn't think things could get much more aggravated than eating somebody's brains, but I guess I was wrong.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Police: Man fell off Florida bridge while changing a tire --*
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. (UPI) - Police in Florida said a man fell 30 feet into Tampa Bay while he was attempting to change a tire on the Sunshine Skyway Bridge. The St. Petersburg Police Department said Reginald White, 43, of Bradenton, was driving a sport-utility vehicle Sunday night with two passengers when a tire blew out on the bridge around 9:20 p.m. Police spokeswoman Yolanda Fernandez said White was attempting to change the tire and tripped over the thigh-high wall when he walked backward to avoid traffic. White suffered only minor injuries in his fall and was able to cling to a piling until he was fished out of Tampa Bay by a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission crew. He was taken to Bayfront Health St. Petersburg for treatment. The Florida Highway Patrol is investigating the incident.


*-- North Carolina dog blamed for crashing pickup into pool --*
ERWIN, N.C. (UPI) - A North Carolina couple whose pickup truck crashed into a swimming pool said their black lab was responsible for putting pressure on the gas pedal. Mike and Ruth Smith said their dog, Caroline, was riding with them on a trip to the grocery store in their 1988 Dodge pickup Friday when something spooked her. "When she gets scared she will go down on the floorboard of the truck," Mike Smith told WRAL-TV. Smith said Caroline chose the driver's side floor on this occasion and put all 90 pounds of her weight on the gas pedal. He said he was unable to pull the dog up from the floor and Ruth Smith, who was driving, aimed the vehicle for a wooden fence in the hopes of stopping the truck. The pickup crashed through the fence and ended up in John McNamara's swimming pool. McNamara said he was in the kitchen with his wife when they heard the commotion in the yard. "I just had open heart surgery in January," McNamara told WTVD-TV. "I said, 'I'm gonna have another heart attack here.'" Michael Smith suffered a few cuts to his head. Ruth Smith and Caroline were not injured. The Dodge was totaled. "I hate that it happened to [McNamara's] pool, but I think that it might have saved our lives," Michael Smith said.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
About the Oreo story...it seems to me that the only way any preschool should have any say in what a child is given for lunch is if they are the ones providing the lunch. They should not have the right to tell a parent what they can or cannot pack for their child's lunch. Since the preschool in question was not giving the little girl her lunch, then they have no right to deny her any part of her lunch. -Chris
[I agree; parents have the God-given right to be neglectful and irresponsible to the point of abuse, if only because any government bureaucracy is probably worse.]

I think it is a sad commentary on our society that there are people out there who are poor, hungry and desperate enough to attempt to steal $300 worth of pork ribs, detergent and bleach just to survive. We should be ashamed as a modern country that we have failed these people.
[I agree. It is just egregious that politicians have made laws restricting the use of food stamps (or Link cards) to exclude things like porn, cigarettes, pork ribs, detergent and bleach, forcing people to steal these things.]

What a stupid story, Lewis. Do you have to write about every jerk-off who shoplifts or gets high and runs down the street naked? That kind of shit happens in my neighborhood almost on a daily basis. Whatever happened to the alien conspiracy stories or the chupacabra or the doomsday cults? If I want petty crime all I have to do is walk to the corner and wait a couple hours.
[First of all, you really need to move out of that neighborhood. And second; this isn't the X-Files. Chupacabras and space aliens masquerading as politicians don't come along every week. I mean - they might - but I don't hear about them.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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