Bizarre News - November 25, 2015

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

It never fails; right around Thanksgiving bizarre turkey related stories always start popping up. And this year is no exception.

I was particularly amused by the suicide turkey in Sheboygan, WI who launched a preemptive strike on Thanksgiving last week. Utility officials say the turkey flew into a power line in Sheboygan County knocking out power for about 1,500 people.

But the real story comes from Gulf Breeze, FL where investigators say a teenager and his friend used a bow and arrow to shoot and kill a neighbor family's pet turkey for their Thanksgiving dinner.

Sheriff's deputies arrested the two Santa Rosa County teens charging them with armed burglary, armed trespassing, theft of livestock and animal cruelty.

The teens told deputies they planned to eat the 30-pound turkey for Thanksgiving. I guess food stamps are a little harder to get in Florida.

The turkey's owners are a couple of animal lovers who live on 6 acres and have a multitude animals, but they said this turkey was special because he was so friendly. In fact, they said he was more like a family dog than a turkey.

Although the family dog would not go nearly so well with stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Georgia man runs himself over attempting to steal beer truck --*
COLUMBUS, Ga. - A Georgia man was injured and arrested while attempting to steal a beer truck from a local gas station. 55-year-old Gregory Miller was apprehended after attempting to steal a Coors Light delivery truck from a Circle K gas station in Columbus, Georgia around 6 a.m. Monday. Miller drove the vehicle to a Bojangles restaurant where he pulled the truck over, but failed to put it in park leading the truck to drive over his leg. After being brought into custody, Miller was taken to Midtown Medical center with a severe ankle injury. When Miller is released from the hospital, he will face charges of theft by taking a motor vehicle and eluding police.


*-- Police: Robber in Darth Vader costume foiled by jar of salad dressing --*
JACKSONVILLE BEACH, Fla. - Move over Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader has a new nemesis -- salad dressing. Police in Florida said the Force was not with a Darth Vader wannabe who was pelted with a jar of salad dressing during an alleged robbery attempt. Investigators said a man dressed as the Star Wars villain and armed with a silver handgun entered the 8 Til Late convenience store in Jacksonville Beach about 5:30 p.m. Sunday and demanded cash from the store clerk. Police said the clerk answered the Sith Lord's request by struggling with him and throwing a jar of blue cheese salad dressing, which struck the alleged robber in the helmet. The suspect fled, but witnesses outside the store got a quick glimpse of his face when he took off the helmet before driving away. The vehicle was located after an investigation and its owner, Jacob Jeremy Mercer, 32, of Tonawanda, N.Y., was located at a residence and arrested. Mercer, who was bleeding from the bridge of his nose, was identified by a witness as the man in the Darth Vader costume. Police said Mercer had several handguns and ammunition in a backpack. Mercer was charged with armed robbery and possession of a firearm by a felon.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Lewis, how can we forget that 9 year old boy living in Flori-DUH who was suspended, and facing possible sexual harassment charges, for sending a love note to a girl in his class. Our government ... ever vigil! As always, looking forward to the next issue of Bizarre News. -Tom

Lewis, I love the idea of fining parents whose kids are bullies. I think every state should pass such a law.
[Well, you have to be careful about how you define bullying. Now, with all sorts of politically correct, emotionally, racially and sexually sensitive 'micro-aggressions' almost anything can be considered bullying. Consider the reader comment above; that could be considered sexual 'bullying' and the parents could be financially responsible for their 9-year-old having a school crush.]

So now the parents in Plover will be fined if their kids are caught bullying and I bet if the kids go to school to say their parents disciplined them, the parents will be fined for that. Can't win. Linda
[No, you can't. That's why home schooling is such a popular option these days.]

Those terrorist organizations are recruiting them younger every day. I wonder how much longer it will be before they are recruiting infants and subverting and training them so that they pose a serious threat to people everywhere. And with the way they miss the real threats out there while they are busy taking down all those toddler-terrorists out there, I know that I will be sleeping much better from now on. -David
[Explosive diapers?]

Maybe one day men letting a snake bite them on the dick will become a new kind of sexual fetish. -David
[There is a rule which says that there is porn for everything SOMEwhere on the Internet. I'm sure if you look for it you'll find dick-snake-biting.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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