Saturday, May 21, 2011

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

You wouldn't think that a warning like this would be necessary, but the British Medical Journal has recently come out against elective female genitoplasty. In other words, female genital cosmetic surgery.

Not to put too fine a point on it, the surgery usually entails shortening or changing the shape of the outer lips, or labia, but may also include reduction in the hood of skin covering the clitoris or shortening the vagina itself.

The practice appears to be spreading fast in the United States as well as in Britain.

The BMJ says that plastic surgery to the labia carries risks, for this zone carries nerve fibers that are highly sensitive and are a key pathway of sexual arousal.

I guess I don't understand women as well as I thought, because any thought of sharp instruments being waved around south of my border just gives me the shivers. How bad of a body image do you have to have for you to squat over a mirror and think to yourself, 'You know, I think my labia could use a touch-up.'

I have to admit, I'm a big fan of vaginas. I've never met one I didn't like. Unless you have some terrible deformity, I don't see why a woman would want to goof around with hers.

But it gets worse. Women, who are typically uncomfortable with discussing anything about their bodies in detail, will walk into a cosmetic surgeon's office with illustrations of what she wants her vagina to look like! Just like you would bring a picture cut out of a magazine to your hair stylist, women are bringing porn (yes, porn) into their doctors' and asking them if they can duplicate the look.

I'm sure Bizarre News readers are much to enlightened to consider something like this, but if any of you are thinking about genitoplasty please remember the risks. It's going to be better to feel good than any marginal improvement in looks.

Bizarrely,

Lewis

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+-- Drunk ice cream man had urine in freezer --+
MORRISVILLE, Pa. - Police in Pennsylvania said they pulled over an ice cream truck driver accused of drunken driving and discovered a bottle of urine in the vehicle's freezer. The Middletown Township Police Department said Yassir Hassan, 46, was pulled over Friday in Morrisville after a motorist reported a Jack & Jill ice cream truck swerving on the road, WPVI-TV, Pittsburgh, reported Wednesday. Investigators said Hassan was visibly drunk and has several wine boxes inside his vehicle. They said they also discovered three plastic water bottles filled with urine and one of the bottles was discovered inside the ice cream freezer. Hassan was arrested and released pending a preliminary hearing on a driving under the influence charge.

+-- Brazillian named oldest living person --+
CARANGOLA, Brazil - Guinness World Records announced a Brazilian woman who is 114 years and 313 days old is being officially recognized as the world's oldest living person. The record-keeping organization said Maria Gomes Valentim of Carangola was given the title after she was found to be 48 days older than the previous record holder, Besse Cooper of Monroe, Ga., who has now been dubbed the oldest living North American. Valentim, who was born July 9, 1896, said her long life is likely connected to her diet, which includes a full roll of bread each morning with coffee and fruit. She said she occasionally drinks a glass of wine. "To receive a claim from a woman born during the reign of Queen Victoria -- before the Ford Motor Co. was formed, or before even George and Ira Gershwin were born -- is remarkable in itself, but for that woman to be Brazilian makes it extra special. Never has a successful claim for longevity emerged from Brazil -- until now," said Craig Glenday, editor-in-chief of Guinness World Records.


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+-- READER COMMENTS --+
Lewis, I love your Bizarre laws. i found one myself that i find rather disturbing but i cant quite put my finger on why. Maybe someone might help me with it. Kisses, Kelly. "In Schulter, Oklahoma, it is illegal for a woman to gamble in the nude, in lingerie, or while wearing a towel."
[What kind of draconian police state do they have in Schulter? Women should be ENCOURAGED to gamble in the nude! Some of the first boobies I ever saw were while playing strip poker as a teenager. How are adolescent boys ever going to learn about the opposite sex?]

Lewis, In Benton City, WA, an intoxicated man was resisting arrest, and was tazered by the police. When he went down, he hit his head on the ground. They then sent him to one of the best hospitals in the state to take care of him. Why is a criminal getting better healthcare for resisting arrest, then the rest of us do for following the laws, o rat least not getting caught?
[I agree. Whatever happened to the good old days of police baton beatings?]

I just noticed the photo in the bottom of the newsletter. If that's the staff, you should start some kind of health program in the office. A bunch of overweight and pasty colored people there. -Dan Lovejoy
[Well, recent medical research has indicated that carrying a little extra weight is healthy for you, and is has been proven that too much sunlight leads to an increased incidence of melanoma. So overall we're probably in better shape than you are.]

Did you hear, Lewis? We're really in the year 1714. Seems some guys figured out almost 300 years of false history was added to the calendars.
[So much for all of those Mayan calendar predictions that the world is going to end in 2012.]

+-- END OF READER COMMENTS --+
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do? Send comments and questions to: Lewis

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