Saturday, January 26, 2013

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

With all of these weighty political issues occupying our attention it is nice to know that we can still rely on the occasional crazy, naked guy to distract our attention in Bizarre News.

Today's crazy, naked guy comes from North Fort Myers, Florida where he was discovered on a homeowner's roof.

The resident man was tackled by the naked man who jumped off his roof - and the scene only got more bizarre from there. The man said he was lying in bed when he and his wife heard what sounded like thunder.

He went outside and saw 21-year-old Gregory Matthew Bruni running around on the roof. He allegedly jumped off and onto the victim, hitting him in the shoulder and knocking him down.

Deputies say Bruni then ran into the house and pulled a large-screen TV off its stand and dumped the contents of a vacuum onto the floor, because at that point why not?

Bruni then headed toward the couple's son's bedroom, so the man's wife fired three warning shots from a .38 revolver, frightening him off.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


*- Thieves forced to abandon getaway donkey -*
JUAN DE ACOSTA, Colombia - Colombian authorities said three men who burgled a convenience store were forced to abandon their loot when the getaway donkey alerted police with his braying. Police said the men stole the donkey, 10-year-old Xavi, and about 12 hours later attempted to have him carry away the merchandise they took from Fabio Orozco's convenience store in the town of Juan de Acosta, The Daily Telegraph reported Thursday. Investigators said police officers heard the donkey's "hee haws" around 2 a.m., and the thieves were forced to leave the animal and loot -- which included rum, oil, rice, tuna and sardines -- behind. Police recovered the donkey and stolen goods, but the thieves were able to escape on foot. The donkey was returned to owner Orlando Olivares, police said.


*-- Mother of 'bully' punches woman --*
BRUNSWICK, Ohio - Police said an Ohio woman, upset that another woman called her son a bully, punched the other woman outside of a middle school. Brunswick Police said witnesses reported seeing Connie Edmiston, 42, approach the other woman's car outside of Willetts Middle School after school Tuesday with her 13-year-old son in tow, and order the other woman to get out of the vehicle, The Medina (Ohio) Gazette reported Thursday. The alleged victim rolled down the window and Edmiston reached in and repeatedly punched the other woman in the face, witnesses told police. The alleged victim told investigators she had lectured Edmiston's son earlier in the school year when she saw him bully other students. Witnesses said Edmiston was yelling during the alleged attack about "calling her son a bully." Police said the alleged victim was taken to Southwest General Hospital as a precaution because she suffers from multiple sclerosis and a blow to the head could prove fatal. Edmiston was arrested shortly after the incident when she went to the police station to discuss the incident. She denied hitting the other woman and claimed the alleged victim had spit in her face. Edmiston was charged with assault.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
So a minor cna get married with a note from the parents, but two adults cna't if they're the same gender? What exactly is left of the "holy institution of marriage" to "destroy" if heteros are letting their kids get married? Hetero's still commit beastality. Still let their kids marry. Still get married as a publicity stunt if a celebrity. Still get divorced several years later. Gay marriages could only improve marriage as a whole. Because we've already hit rock bottom with the heteros.

Did you know that more people are killed by hammers than by guns in the US. Fact
[Ah! Well, as long as you wrote "Fact" after that statement I will believe it is true and completely unskewed by any statistical abnormality or personal bias.]

Lewis, Mr. & Mrs. Johnnie Ray Ison may not be aware that North Carolina is one of the few remaining states that have a law that allows former spouses to sue for loss of consortium. A case where a North Carolina woman divorced her husband to marry a dentist and move to Florida resulted in a judgement against the dentist for more than $2 million.
[Maybe, but I doubt that teenager has 2 million bucks, or 200 bucks for that matter.]

"would you really want only the government and criminals to have guns?" Isn't that being redundant? -Billie

I wonder how long that "marriage" will last if she happens to spy another hot teen-aged stud and decides he's more to her liking. And will the law be able to take action if she dumps her current husband even after he's 18 to marry another underage boy to prevent him from being forced to testify against her? Surely with all the laws about child abuse there must be some way around the situation. -Tom
[Clearly you don't believe in the power of love. Has the message of Huey Lewis been lost already?]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: LEWIS