Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

There is rape, and then there is telepathic rape. Guess which one will get you shot in Centerville, Utah.

The man who shot his neighbor in Centerville claimed he did it in self-defense, according to jail documents.

Police arrested Michael Selleneit, 53, who was charged with felony counts of attempted murder and unlawful weapon possession. The attempted murder charge carries the possibility of up to life in prison.

According to a statement, Selleneit told detectives he shot Pierce in self-defense. Selleneit claimed Pierce had been "telepathically threatening" to kill him and his wife.

"Selleneit also claimed that Pierce had telepathically raped his wife on many occasions," police wrote in the statement.

In fact, Selleneit was so confident that he acted in self-defense that he called 911 himself after the shooting and told police where to find his .380-caliber pistol. Of
course, in his defense there is no way the police can prove his neighbor DIDN'T telepathically rape his wife. So he may have them there.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- More Bizarre November Holidays --*
November 11 is Air Day
November 12 is National Pizza With The Works Except Anchovies Day
November 13 is National Indian Pudding Day
November 14 is Operation Room Nurse Day
November 15 is National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day
November 16 is Button Day
November 17 is Take A Hike Day
November 18 is Occult Day
November 19 is Have A Bad Day Day
November 20 is Absurdity Day

(Even More 'Bizarre November Holidays' Next Issue)

*-- No ID, no liquor sale to woman, 92 --*
HARLOW, England - A 92-year-old British woman said she was "taken aback" when a store clerk refused to sell her alcohol because she didn't have her ID card. Diane Taylor, a Harlow, England, great-grandmother, said she stopped at the local One Stop Shop to buy a bottle of whiskey for her son and was asked to produce her photo ID, The Mirror reported Monday. "It seemed so stupid I thought the cashier was complimenting me," Taylor said. "But then I realized that she was being serious so I pulled out my bus pass, my blood donor's card but it was no good. She said she wanted proof of age. I was so taken aback I didn't know what to do." "I am 101 percent with them for checking young people but carrying it to that length is just ridiculous," she said. "No one can convince me I look under 25 -- I'd only take 78 at a push." A spokesman for the store apologized for the inconvenience but said store policy requires proof of age to purchase alcohol.

*-- German 'Yoda' charged with drunk driving --*
WEITERSTADT, Germany - Police in Germany said a motorist in a Yoda costume was unable to use his Jedi powers to get out of charges stemming from a drunken driving incident. Investigators said the 42-year-old Weiterstadt man, whose name was not released, had apparently been out celebrating Halloween Saturday night, dressed as the "Star Wars" character, and struck a pedestrian while driving home early Sunday morning, the Berliner Kurier reported Monday. Police said the driver was stopped about two minutes after striking the pedestrian, who sustained minor injuries, and was forced to walk home when officers took his license. The man is facing drunk driving, negligent injury and hit and run charges, police said.

*-- READER COMMENTS --*
This News Letter is getting way too political. Got off of your Soap Box and get back to basics. BIZARRE NEWS. I read "Bizarre News" to get away from the problems of the world for a few minutes each day and find myself reading about the very things that I come here to escape from. -John
[I have been editing Bizarre News for about 12 years now and I have yet to find a topic more bizarre than politics.]

How appropriate that November 8 is "Dunce day." On my calendar it is labeled as "election day." -Tom

Hi Lewis, heard this in the news and just couldn't resist the irony. According to news reports, the cooks on Occupy Wall Street in Manhattan have noted homeless people and others who are not part of the protests â?? are going to Zuccotti Park for a free meal. In response, the chefs are refusing to cook the food they usually serve and will only serve brown rice and other 'spartan grub' this weekend. -Jen
[It's hard for me to be too critical as 'free' is one of my favorite types of cuisine.]

Hello Lewis: Although in this case, the PE teacher was female, I wonder if male PE teachers in your experience were short. I went to four different high schools when I was a kid and 3 out of 4 PE teachers were short. The significance of this is a guy named Herkimer, something like that, who couldn't join the football team because he was too short and so he taught PE as his career. -jay
[You don't have to be six-two to tell a 14-year-old to run a lap.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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