Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

You know, sometimes I feel like I missed out on the complete college experience. I went to my share of parties and woke up in my share of strange rooms, but I never had to be saved by search and rescue like the woman in today's story.

If there is one thing you want to do when taking hallucinogenic mushrooms it is make sure you are in a safe environment. Hiking in the mountains of Colorado is not a safe environment...especially if you are naked.

Oh, she didn't start out that way. When 21-year-old college student Taylor Powers started out on her adventure she was fully clothed, but somewhere in between starting her hike with two classmates and the 911 call to the Boulder County Sheriff's Office, stripping down to nothing seemed like a good idea.

The call that a naked female hiker was 'high on mushrooms and in distress' brought out no less than 35 deputies and assorted rescue personnel. When they found her she was being restrained by her two male companions.

It is unclear whether 'restrained' is a euphemism.

Rescuers had to handcuff the unruly Powers, who struggled as she was placed in a rescue basket. She was cited for unlawful consumption of a controlled substance.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


*-- Police: Fleeing Florida burglary suspect stopped for beer --*
LIGHTHOUSE POINT, Fla. - Police in Florida said a burglary suspect fleeing from officers allegedly stopped to steal a couple beers from a home. Investigators said they were called to a Lighthouse Point townhouse at 2 a.m. Saturday on a report from a neighbor who said it appeared the home was being burglarized while the residents were out of town, the South Florida Sun Sentinel reported Tuesday. Andrew Fatzinger, 21, of Port St. Lucie fled on foot when officers ordered him to stop and was later spotted walking a few blocks away by investigators in a Broward Sheriff's Office helicopter. "Further search by all the units on the scene resulted in a long foot pursuit," officer M. Riemer wrote in the arrest report. A deputy in the helicopter said Fatzinger was seen entering another home during the chase and emerging with two bottles of beer, which he then threw while fleeing. Police said Fatzinger, who was apprehended following an encounter with a K-9 unit, smashed all the TVs in the townhouse and tried to steal items, including a pair of laptops, electronics and some medications. The owner of the home where Fatzinger allegedly stole the beer bottles told police he also wants to press charges. Fatzinger was charged with multiple counts, including home burglary, grand theft, striking a police dog and resisting arrest with violence.


*-- Police: Failed bank robber went to store across the street --*
ORLANDO, Fla. - Police in Florida said a man whose bank robbery attempt failed allegedly went across the street and robbed a drugstore instead. Orlando police said the man, who was wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap, entered a Bank of America location around 12:45 p.m. Monday and handed a note to a teller claiming he had a gun and demanding money, the Orlando Sentinel reported Tuesday. However, the teller refused to give him any money and called police. The man then went across the street to a CVS store, displayed a gun and left with an undisclosed amount of cash. Police said they are attempting to identify the man from surveillance footage.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
We have the right to BEAR (carry) arms, per the second amendment. The New York performance artist has the right to BARE (uncover) her breasts, per New York law She always BEARS her breasts. -Shelley
[I'd like to thank Shelley and the 85 other readers who sent in a similar comment.]

I'm just wondering why the woman was arrested for throwing the knife at the guy, but he wasn't arrested for throwing the knife at her first. The only difference is that he missed and she didn't. It's still assault with intent. -Chris
[Well, there is assault and then there is attempted murder.]

Lewis, If you're going to carry a gun, carry it at your side, not the front of your shorts. The man is very lucky that the bullet went only into his leg. It wasn't that long ago that a man accidentally shot himself in his penis with a .32 caliber bullet. The ER physicians said that his penis should work normally. He may be able to urinate through it, but with all the scar tissue there I am sure that if he can still get an erection it will take on a less than normal appearance. Cute, maybe? Scary, probably. -Jim
[Important safety tip. Thanks Egon.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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