Saturday, March 23, 2013

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

You can say a lot of things about Canadians, but you can't say they're not tough. Look at Billy McNeely of the Northwest Territories.

In April 2010, McNeely got into a fight after an arm wrestling match and was stabbed five times. So far a pretty typical Saturday night in Canada.

Doctors at the local accident and emergency room stitched him up but never took an x-ray. Seeking subsequent treatment for the lingering discomfort, he was told he had suffered nerve damage.

But this week, McNeely was scratching his back when his fingernail caught on something. His girlfriend took a look.

"I told Billy: 'There's a knife sticking out of your back.' I was scared. I was ready to pull it out with tweezers."

Upon going to the hospital a doctors removed 3 inches of knife blade from McNeely's back.

"I've done some jail time in the past," McNeely said. "The guards rub over you with a metal wand detector, and every time it hit my back... it went off."

McNeely is considering whether to file a lawsuit against the local health department.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


*-- AE pranks fans with spray-on jeans --*
PITTSBURGH - American Eagle Outfitters, based in Pittsburgh, said a fake ad for spray-on skinny jeans was a way of having "fun with our fans." Bob Holobinko, vice president of brand marketing, said the company has been pleased with the response to the YouTube video for the fake "Skinny Skinny Jeans" product, KNBC-TV, Los Angeles, reported Friday. The video, which depicts young people wearing spray-painted jeans, had been viewed more than 420,000 times as of Friday afternoon. "We wanted to have fun with our fans," Holobinko told NBC's "Today" show. "And the response has been incredible."


*-- Penguins take liking to iPad cat game --*
LONG BEACH, Calif. - Officials at a California aquarium said a couple of young penguins have taken a liking to a mouse-chasing iPad app designed to amuse cats. The Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach said penguins Jeremy and Newsom, who are still too young to get caught up in the excitement of the upcoming mating season, have found "enrichment" with the free "Game for Cats" iPad app, ABC News reported Friday. The game features a mouse running around the screen that lets out a squeak when tapped by a paw -- or in this case, a beak. "Newsom set the penguin high score of 1,600 for the game," the aquarium said on its website. A YouTube video of Newsom playing the game has been viewed more than 167,000 times.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Lewis, I'm sure you saw this, but just in case here it is. Absolutely they should get a fair wage and have access to benefits. Club owners shouldn't be able to make extra profits by charging excessive fees and deprive these ladies of such a large portion of the money they've earned. But-can you imagine what would happen if they unionized? As long as they pay their dues they can't be fired-just like auto workers and teachers. You'll have all these entrenched, old, saggy, baggy hags jiggling (and not in a good way) up on stage. Anyway, I love your column and I still think you should expand into other areas. If you had a syndicated column on politics or life in general I'd absolutely read it. Best regards, Diane
[Unionized strippers. Diane, you're brilliant. Then they could bargain collectively! Imagine the minimum tip they would vote themselves.]

I think that greed has turned a lot of good people into politicians. -Dennis

Hey Lewis, would it be possible to put a word or two in along with your Readers Comments so we will know what they are referring to when it is not obvious? I like to know whether I agree or disagree. -Stan
[If you click the 'Archives' link on the left you can read any issues you might have missed and catch right up with all of the stupid comments.]

I never miss reading your comments because your comments are quite awesome. The one from today is the all time best. That 8 year old boy and his Mom are totally awesome. Like I said...I cannot pass up your comments each day and I always look forward to them 'tomorrow'. Yours, Alexander

Not one article yet has said what will be done with the money! That would be an interesting end to it!
[The way it usually works is if the police cannot find the party to whom the money belongs then the town gets to keep it. So I don't imagine they're looking real hard.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: LEWIS