Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Ah, Florida; where the sun is hotter, the drunks are drunker and the searches for lost pets are always conducted while heavily armed.

At least that is the attitude of Mark Fitzgerald, and he was not about to let any sheriff's deputies tell him otherwise.

49-year-old Fitzgerald told deputies he was searching for his lost dog Tuesday morning when they found him cruising around a golf course in a golf cart while in possession of a high powered rifle and handgun, in case he encountered coyotes, he said. Deputies said Fitzgerald fired several rounds from his golf cart. Deputies also say Fitzgerald also appeared intoxicated.

Authorities say he hit a water tower which holds about a million gallons of water. Water has apparently been draining from the bullet hole.

Fitzgerald was charged with felony criminal mischief, discharging a firearm, and use of firearm while under the influence.

No word on whether the dog was ever found.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Police: Man used glue on ex's belongings --*
LYKENS, Pa. - Pennsylvania State Police said they arrested a man accused of breaking into his ex-girlfriend's home and using glue on her refrigerator and computer. Police said Dennis Homberg, 42, of Elizabethville entered his ex-girlfriend's Lykens apartment when she was away Nov. 12 and glued shut the refrigerator door and a utensil drawer, and poured glue on the woman's computer keyboard, The (Harrisburg) Patriot-News reported Monday. Homberg was charged with burglary, criminal trespass, stalking and criminal mischief.


*-- Police: Crasher threw beer at wedding --*
MARCO ISLAND, Fla. - Authorities in Florida said they arrested a drunken wedding crasher accused of shouting obscenities and throwing beer cans during the ceremony. Marco Island Police said Bradley Stiner, 22, of Marco Island, who was not familiar with the couple or their wedding party, was seen running behind the altar at the beachfront wedding Friday evening, trying to get the attention of the wedding party, the Naples Daily News reported Monday. Police said Stiner became frustrated when the wedding party members ignored him and started shouting, "Hey tourists, get off my beach, I'm local." Stiner then allegedly shouted obscenities and threw unopened beer cans at the wedding, striking the best man in the back with one of the cans. Police said Stiner had difficulty standing without swaying when they spoke to him and refused to tell officers how much alcohol he had consumed prior to the incident. He was arrested and charged with disorderly intoxication and the man who was struck by the beer can decided to press a misdemeanor battery charge Saturday.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Hey Lewis, You forgot that December is also the International "End of the World Day". And the idiot with the gun? It's most likely this was poetic justice as this guy shouldn't be producing children anyway. -Ken
[That is what I like to call a self-solving problem.]

I always find it funny when people talk about "the laws of physics" and then quote human made up analogs that are often wrong. Like take Force = Mass * Acceleration: Except when it doesn't because you are moving. It should be called the "general rules that mostly work of physics." Somehow that doesn't have the same ring to it though. -John
[I like the rules; Tragedy + Time = Comedy and Lesbians = Ratings. Those are the rules I can understand and appreciate.]

This 'shoots' Michael well up the list of nominations for the Darwin award. Perhaps on the plus side he did enough damage to prevent his genes bringing a new life into this world. -P
[How do you know? There could be lots of women interested in a guy with half a penis, one testicle and a criminal record. Anyone? Anyone?]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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