Bizarre News - November 8, 2014

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

There are some benefits to drinking alcohol, moderate amounts can be good for your health, immoderate amounts can give you a warm fuzzy feeling of fraternity with the whole human race, but there are disadvantages too, not the least of which is doing really stupid things when pulled over by the police.

A 40-year-old man is facing multiple charges after New York state police say he tried to eat his DWI test results.

Troopers say Kenneth Desormes, of Greenwich, Connecticut, was stopped for speeding at 5:30 a.m. After speaking with him, the troopers determined he was intoxicated and arrested him.

Desormes was transported to the state police barracks to be processed. Troopers say when his breathalyzer tests results were printing, Desormes grabbed the paperwork and tried to eat it.

He is charged with driving while intoxicated, obstructing governmental administration, and criminal tampering.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


*-- Pregnancy foils man's drug test urine swap attempt --*
CAIRO (UPI) - An Egyptian bus driver who tried to fool a drug test by using his wife's urine ended up being told that he's pregnant. Public Transportation Authority officials said they became suspicious when the male driver's urine test detected a pregnancy and they confronted the man and asked him to verify the sample was his own urine. The man confirmed ownership of the sample, leading officials to respond, "Congratulations, you're pregnant." The driver admitted the urine came from his wife and said he was not aware she was two months pregnant. The Public Transportation Authority said an investigation into the incident is underway. Officials said they will avoid repeat incidents by requiring blood samples for drug tests.


* Man attacks own car with pickax for not starting *
LISSONE, Italy (UPI) - An Italian man who bought a new Fiat to help him get to work on time took an ax to the vehicle when it failed to start. Accountant Spartaco Capon, 34, purchased the Fiat 500 because public transportation was making him consistently late to work, but he turned against the vehicle when it failed to start at his Lissone home, making him late again. Police said Capon attacked the car with a pickax, filling the body of the vehicle with more than a hundred holes. "Normally in incidents like this it's not people smashing up their own car, but he was able to prove it was his," police spokesman Anastasio Gallo said. "We think he must have been under a lot of stress at work lately and he was taken to hospital where doctors helped to calm down and are keeping him in for tests." The car was declared totaled and Capon is receiving psychiatric care at the local hospital, where doctors said he would benefit from a few days of relaxation.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
The idea of curing someone's phobia via brain surgery is nothing new. Doctors have theorized this possibility since the 1970's. Although I imagine that brain surgery carrying the risks it does, it would have been difficult to find patients willing to test that theory. -Chris
[A lot earlier than the 1970s. Trepanation is at least 500 years old.]

Dear Lewis, Your response concerning a chose between a gun, a pit bull and a poodle was right on. I'm glad to see you've smarten up on guns. LMAO -Will
[Damn right. I have also booby-trapped my front lawn with anti-personnel mines. That should keep those kids from cutting across my grass on their way home from school.]

Hey Lewis! I bet that Zachary Torrance who robbed four Subway restaurants with a gun because the "Jared Diet" didn't work for him may soon be happy to learn that the Alabama prison food diet may just help him lose weight. Then after serving his time he'll leave prison a happy healthy guy. -R.S.
[To lose weight probably isn't the best reason to go to prison, but I guess I've heard worse.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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