Saturday, July 2, 2011

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Police have apprehended one of the mysterious and dangerous Seattle ninjas when the would-be warrior managed to impale himself on a metal fence earlier this week.

Around 11:15 p.m., officers responded to a call from a 41-year-old man who said he had been assaulted. It turns out the older man, who was heavily intoxicated, tried to go into a sports bar. The younger man, who isn't a bar employee, barred the man from going inside--for some reason--and an argument between the two men escalated into a fight.

At one point, the men chased each other in the street.

In an attempt to get away, the younger man "thought he'd basically be able to jump over this fence, and he didn't quite make it," a police spokesman said.

As a police account of the incident notes, "Clearly he was overconfident in his abilities."

As police arrived to search for a suspect, one officer heard the 25-year-old's screams and found him stuck on the fence with the metal spike jutting out from his buttock. The man was bleeding profusely.

He was taken to Harborview Medical Center. Questioned at the hospital, the man told police he believed he was a ninja.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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+-- More Bizarre July Holidays --+
July 11 is National Cheer Up The Lonely Day
July 12 is National Pecan Pie Day
July 13 is Fool's Paradise Day
July 14 is National Nude Day
July 15 is National Tapioca Pudding Day & Respect Canada Day
July 16 is International Juggling Day
July 17 is National Peach Ice Cream Day
July 18 is National Ice Cream Day and National Caviar Day
July 19 is Flitch Day
July 20 is Ugly Truck Contest Day

(Even More Bizarre July Holidays Next Issue...)

+-- Stolen bag contained no cash --+
BRADENTON, Fla. - Florida police said a man who stole a bag of what he apparently believed to be cash from a Popeye's Chicken manager instead got a bag full of worthless papers. The Manatee County Sheriff's Office said the robber, who was dressed in a black jacket and motorcycle helmet, approached the manager as he was leaving the Bradenton business at about 11:30 p.m. Tuesday and displayed a handgun, The (Sarasota, Fla.) Herald-Tribune reported Thursday. The man demanded the manager give him the bag and deputies said the suspect fled on a scooter. Investigators said there was no cash in the bag, which contained only work-related documents.

+-- Woman dents thief's car with cane --+
NEW CASTLE, Pa. - Police in Pennsylvania said two women were unable to stop a purse snatcher but they were able to use a cane to dent his getaway vehicle. Investigators said Jerry Lee Brown Jr., 27, allegedly grabbed a purse from a woman in a parking lot at Neshannock Village in New Castle June 24 and a woman with the victim attempted to strike him with a cane, the New Castle News reported Thursday. Brown escaped in a car with a dark-haired woman and two small children, police said, but the woman accompanying the alleged victim was able to dent the vehicle with her cane. Police said they received a tip the suspects they were seeking may have been Brown and Tatiana Marie Vargas, 21, who were suspects in a similar incident. The pair, and a silver Dodge Stratus with dents police believed to be from the woman's cane, were located Sunday. Brown was charged with two felony counts of robbery, misdemeanor counts of theft and receiving stolen property and a summary count of harassment. Vargas was charged with two felony counts of conspiracy/robbery, misdemeanor counts of conspiracy/theft and conspiracy/receiving stolen property and a summary count of conspiracy/harassment.

+-- READER COMMENTS --+
Lewis...It sounds like that woman in Bridgewater who sprayed the cops with her tit juice should hook up with that porn collector Dr. Scheiner...they seem made for each other! -BB
[I am offended by the term "tit juice" and wish you wouldn't email me with this kind of derogatory language. It's called Lady Nectar (or sometimes hooter hooch).]

Let's see... We retread our history to fit the socialist agenda. We pretend that stone age societies were peaceful. We pretend that high tech societies pollute more. We pretend to our school children that NAZI stands for facist not the English translation "National Socialist". We burn cars and hold huge violent protests at G20 summits and the news pretends that this is legitimate protest. If communism starts with rewriting history and violence I think we are well on the way. -John

Lewis, did you not read Tim's comment carefully? There were no rusty fishhooks in his toybox; the fishhook he mentions was not in his toy box, it fell on him from behind when the lid came down. Also, he never says anything about the fishhook being rusty. -Chris
[That's what's called editorial interpretation.]

+-- END OF READER COMMENTS --+
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