Bizarre News - December 6, 2014

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I don't know too much about South Africa except that it is where Nelson Mandela and Krugerrands come from. What I do know is that if there are crocodiles in the water hazards where you are golfing you don't go in after your ball.

I learned that from watching the Adam Sandler movie 'Happy Gilmore'. Chubbs tried it and look what happened to him! Apparently that movie is not popular in South Africa.

The South African golfer in this story didn't lose his hand, like Chubbs, he lost his life while he was retrieving golf balls from a dam called Lake Panic at South Africa's flag-ship wildlife reserve.

The crocodile grabbed 29-year-old Jacques van der Sandt in its jaws and disappeared under the water at a golf course next to a staff residential area within the park boundaries.

Oubaas Coetzer, a police officer, said the crocodile attacked van der Sandt while he was standing waist high in the water and reaching below the surface to feel for golf balls on the bottom of the dam.

Now this story is odd, to be sure, since van der Sandt had golfed many times in the park before and had probably seen crocodiles in the water, but what got the story into Bizarre News is the reason Mr. Van der Sandt was standing waist-high in crocodile-infested water searching for golf balls; his friend challenged him to see who can retrieve the most balls.

I'll bet my next paycheck 10 or 12 South African beers were involved in that decision.

Rangers killed the crocodile after a two-hour search following the attack. There is no report of who won the challenge.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Man gets 203 'Simpsons' character tattoos on back --*
MELBOURNE (UPI) - An Australian man said he is aiming for a Guinness World Record by having every character from The Simpsons tattooed on his back. Michael Baxter, 60, a grandfather and prison warden from Barwon, said at the Australian Tattoo and Body Art exhibition in Melbourne he is hoping to obtain a Guinness record with the Simpsons collage inked on his back by Bacchus Marsh tattoo artist Jade Baxter-Smith. The full back tattoo includes 203 characters spanning the 20-year history of the animated series. Baxter said the record he is seeking is for "most tattoos of the same cartoon character tattooed on the body," but Guinness officials told him his tattoo would be eligible because all of the characters are from the same show. Baxter, whose other tattoos include scheming baby Stewie from fellow Fox cartoon Family Guy, said Guinness has accepted his application for the record, but he still has paperwork to submit. The record bid pits Baxter against fellow "Simpsons" super-fan Lee Weir of New Zealand, who obtained the Guinness record earlier this year with 41 tattoos of cartoon family patriarch Homer Simpson. Simpsons writer David Mirkin tweeted he was impressed with Baxter's tattoo. "Truly a lovely tribute. We will, of course, have to sue him and confiscate his back," Mirkin tweeted.


*--- Prosecutors: College hired strippers as recruiters ---*
MIAMI (UPI) - Federal prosecutors said a for-profit college in Florida hired "exotic dancers" to work as "admissions representatives" to attract young men to the school. The U.S. attorney's office and Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi, who joined a whistle-blower lawsuit against Miami-based FastTrain College, said in a civil complaint at least one of the school's now-closed seven campuses used strippers as "admissions representatives." The college "purposely hired attractive women and sometimes exotic dancers and encouraged them to dress provocatively while they recruited young men in neighborhoods to attend FastTrain," the complaint states. The whistle-blower lawsuit was originally filed by Juan Pena, a former admissions employee at the Plantation campus and the Flagler campus. The school's campuses were shut down in 2012 following a raid by the FBI. Alejandro Amor, chief executive officer of the company, was indicted in October on criminal charges of conspiracy and theft of government money. Federal authorities said the school received more than $35 million in Pell grants and other federal financial aid between 2009 and 2012, and they allege the school obtained a large amount of grant money through fraudulent means including falsifying high school diplomas for ineligible students.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Yes, it's true. Fart pills, the ultimate Christmas gift for those who you really, really want to offend.

Lewis; Kudos to the man who gave the bonds worth $127,000 back to the family who previously owned the desk. While reading the story I was thinking how lucky the man was to pay $40 for a desk and find that kind of stash but then you told of him locating the family and returning the bonds and I wondered if I could be as honorable as him. He didn't need the money as he has something worth far more. Thanks for that story, Lewis. -Wes
[I think I probably would have kept it, but then I am kind of a selfish prick.]

That story about the woman who tried to take a pig on the plane...I'm wondering, how did she get through airport security with the pig? You'd think they would have stopped her. -Chris
[Why? Pigs are only explosive AFTER you eat 'em.]

Hi Lewis, This STUPID idea of scented farts, to me a fart is a fart. Just because your poop smells like chocolate I still don't want you to poop on my dinner table! -Kevin
[Just because you're not kinky don't get on your high horse to criticize other peoples' fetishes.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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