Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Testosterone is responsible for a lot of the stupidity that goes on in the world, but I find it hard to believe that the following story is merely a male pissing contest and did not involve some sort of drugs or alcohol. It does, however, feature a watermelon-eating dog.

A police report said the two unidentified brothers got into an argument this week in Boston after a dog belonging to one of the men consumed a watermelon owned by his brother.

The argument over the missing watermelon escalated into a shouting match between the siblings that allegedly caused one brother to repeatedly stab himself in order to show he didn't care if he got hurt, police say.

A spokesman said when police arrived at the scene to help take the injured brother to the hospital, the other brother allegedly tried to barricade himself in a room.

Police reported the brother used a saw and hammer to place pieces of wood across the door to keep police out of the room.

"During his barricading construction project he stated that he wasn't going to get arrested for stabbing his brother," he said, adding that police were content to leave him alone after learning the other man's wounds were self-inflicted.

But my question is...do dogs really eat watermelon?

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Lawyer's license suspended over slurs --*
CHICAGO - A Chicago attorney who used homophobic and offensive language to describe other lawyers has agreed to a temporary suspension of his license, officials said. Thomas Guadagno, 66, used terms such as "gay scum" and "child molester" to refer to other attorneys while soliciting traffic court clients, a complaint filed by the Illinois Attorney Registration and Disciplinary Commission said. The name-calling has gone on for at least six years, the complaint said, and in 2009 a Cook County judge found him guilty of disorderly conduct for yelling "scumbag" and "homosexual" at another attorney, the Chicago Tribune reported Monday. In the newest action, the commission said Guadagno's license would be suspended for a month and he would have to complete two years of probation, see a therapist for anger management counseling and complete a seminar on attorney professionalism.

*-- Seniors hospitalized after eating brownies --*
HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. - Three senior citizens became sick after eating marijuana-laced brownies at a memorial service in Huntington Beach, Calif., police said. The three people, described by police as being in their 70s and 80s, were admitted Saturday to Hoag Hospital with nausea, dizziness and inability to stand unassisted. The patients, residents of Huntington Beach and nearby Newport Beach, had been at a memorial service for a mutual friend where they had eaten brownies that contained marijuana, police said. The patients said they had no idea the brownies contained so-called medical marijuana, the Huntington Beach Police Department said Sunday in posting on the department's Facebook page. "It is important for the community to understand that marijuana is a drug, and like all other drugs and alcohol, it is important to understand the negative consequences it creates in our community," the police department said in the Facebook posting. "Calling it 'medical marijuana' does not make it any safer."

*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Lewis; I'm wondering about the quality of the water in that hot tub that was suspended above the bridge with 25 people drinking champaign for two hours. You didn't mention that they provided any facilities. I doubt anyone got out and relieved themselves 500 feet above that bridge. It sheds a different light on their extreme hot-tubbing experience. Not one I'd care to be "privy" to. -Wes
[If you can't "hold it" for two hours, you might have a medical problem.]

Hi Lewis, Loving this newsletter! What I wonder is, do you have an archive of all the bizarre holidays? I want to see what I need to prep for, in order to celebrate some of them. Let's face it, a good percentage of American holidays have become bad parodies of themselves. --Lynda-Marie
[I'm sorry, I don't. You'll just have to be spontaneous!]

Then why not just do the DNA test before a death penalty trial? -Dan
[I guess that depends on how good your lawyer is!]

When I read that a group had carried "a jacuzzi to the top of Europe's biggest mountain, Mont Blanc," I thought you must have confused it with Mt. Elbrus, as the ascent of Mt. Blanc would be too technical to allow a Jacuzzi to be schlepped up. But I was mistaken. The feat is photographically documented! -Marcos
[There are a lot of people out there with too much time and money on their hands.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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