Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

In an incident that is sure to supply him with plenty of fantasy material in the future, a man in Florida was attacked by two young women in bikinis.

59-year-old William Knowles was hopping along on crutches due to a shin fracture when he was approached by the two young women, 22-year-old Amber Lynn McKay and 21-year-old Veronica Anne Lane.

The women started talking to Knowles about his injury when one of the women suddenly tried to restrain him while the other reached into his pants.

We all know it is hard, or difficult rather, to react when a 22-year-old in a bikini puts her hand in your pants, but eventually Knowles began to fight back.

"I spun around and pinned one up against the wall, then the other girl tried to hit me and I swung at her with my crutch," Knowles recalled. "I hit them a couple times with my crutches."

He flagged down a police officer, who found the two women at a nearby hotel. Both were charged with robbery.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Even More Bizarre January Holidays --*
January 21 is National Hugging Day
January 22 is National Answer Your Cat's Question Day and National Blonde Brownie Day
January 23 is National Handwriting Day, National Pie Day, and Measure Your Feet Day
January 24 is Eskimo Pie Patent Day
January 25 is Opposite Day
January 26 is Australia Day
January 27 is Punch the Clock Day and Thomas Crapper Day
January 28 is National Kazoo Day, Clash Day, and Rattle Snake Round-Up Day
January 29 is National Cornchip Day
January 30 is Escape Day
January 31 is National Popcorn Day and Child Labor Day


*-- Police show up for overdue books --*
CHARLTON, Mass. - A Massachusetts woman said her 5-year-old daughter burst into tears when police officers showed up at her door and demanded her overdue library books. Shannon Benoit of Charlton said she was shocked when Charlton Police Sgt. Dan Dowd showed up to her door and informed her that her daughter, Hailey, had two overdue library books and needed to either return the tomes or pay for them, WBZ-TV, Boston, reported Tuesday. "I thought it was way overboard," Benoit said. "I closed my door, I looked at my daughter and she started crying." She said her daughter asked if the police were going to arrest her. Dowd said the duty was not his choice. "Nobody wanted to, on this end to get involved in it," the sergeant said. "But the library contacted us, and the chief delegated, and apparently I was one of the low men on the totem pole." Benoit said she located and returned the books.

*-- 10-by-12-foot wooden deck stolen --*
CLARKSVILLE, Tenn. - The owner of a Tennessee home that has been vacant for more than a year said he was shocked to discover a 10-foot-by-12-foot wooden deck had been stolen. Jadranko Beslic, who moved with his family to Atlanta when he retired from the Army more than a year ago, said a friend asked if she could rent the Clarksville home and when she arrived at the house she discovered the wooden deck was missing from the back yard, The (Clarksville) Leaf-Chronicle reported Tuesday. "That was on Wednesday, and Saturday was the first day I had off and I could go up there and actually look at it," Beslic said. "So we did, and sure enough, the deck was gone. There was nothing there." Beslic said he filed a police report about the theft. "It was really nice. I'm just baffled -- out of all the things to steal, a deck?" he said.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
I love your stories, but also enjoy the reader's comments at the end of each issue. This is two issues in a row with no comments. Is everyone being silent? -Cindi
[I was out of the office last week, so no access to my office email. But I'm back in the saddle again.]

That was the least the TSA could do to reward passengers for the cheap thrills they get each day! Happy New Year! Thanks Lewis! -Paul
[If they could find more attractive agents I think more people would be more willing to undergo advanced screening.]

Lewis; I've heard that masturbation is the most frequent thing done while driving. However, watching porno and masturbating while getting high might be a bit over the line. Driving can get boring so one should be stimulated.
However having a "mini-seizure" while in operation of a 2500 lb car just might be dangerous. -Wes
[Is there a hands-free device for that?]

Today, in your story about the man abusing his wife, you just had to say that, of course, it happened in the South - as spousal abusal only occurs in the South. I live in the
South, North Carolina to be exact, and I'm proud to be a Southerner. If the South is so backward, I wonder why it is that so many people from outside the South come here to live???
[Maybe because spouse-beating is so popular there.]

Hi Lewis: The 'free' sperm donor guy was the subject of one of the local talk radio shows last week. It turns out this guy has a fetish for making videos of himself donating his seed.
[A guy needs something, I guess. At the sperm bank they give you magazines (so I hear).]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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