Saturday, October 27, 2012

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Aren't there already enough hazards on any given golf course without adding carnivorous predators to the mix?

It was just a normal afternoon on a golf course in San Juan Capistrano, California when club employees had to rescue golfers from a shark which had apparently dropped out of the sky and flopped around on the 12th tee.

San Juan Hills Golf Club operations director Melissa McCormack says a course marshal found the leopard shark and brought it to the clubhouse. It had puncture wounds where it appeared a bird had snagged it from the Pacific Ocean, about five miles away.

They stuck shark into fresh water before somebody remembered it came from the sea, so they got some sea salt from the kitchen and mixed it in (ideally with some hot oil, lemon and cilantro in a cast iron pan).

Another employee rushed the shark to the ocean where McCormack says it was very still for a few seconds before twisting around and speeding off.

Now maybe I am being too critical of this whole shark business. Golf is a rather boring game. What do you think would make golf more exciting than sharks on the course? Bears? Wolverines maybe?

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- City wants 200-300 birds out of home --*
AURORA, Ill. - Officials in an Illinois city said crews will remove 200 to 300 pet birds from a man's home if he does not remove the birds himself. Aurora officials said they received an order from Kane County Circuit Court authorizing them to begin clearing the birds out of Dave Skeberdis's home at 10 a.m. Friday if he does not abide by orders to get rid of his pets, The (Aurora) Beacon-News reported Thursday. City Attorney Alayne Weingartz said Skeberdis said he plans to "take care of it himself" to avoid being hit with a $13,478 cleanup bill. Rosario DeLeon, city chief operations officer, said the exact number of birds is unknown, as firefighters have only entered the home once. Skerberdis acknowledged his love of birds has gotten out of hand. "I think everybody is a bit of a hoarder, but this got out of control," he said. "I've got civil rights, too, and I don't need someone strong-arming me to get someone to clean it."


*-- Meteor fragment hits pastor's home --*
NOVATO, Calif. - A 2-inch chunk of a meteor that exploded dramatically over California struck the roof of the home of a minister, his wife said. "It's wonderful. It's like the heavens coming down and history, and this thing probably came from an asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter. I mean, how cool is that?" said Lisa Webber of the rock that bounced off the roof of her husband's study Thursday night and onto the lawn of their Novato, Calif., home. Peter Webber is pastor of Presbyterian Church of Novato, the San Francisco Chronicle said Monday. The object was confirmed as debris from the meteor that streaked over the Bay Area, offering viewers a spectacular light show, said Peter Jenniskens of the SETI Institute in Mountain View, Calif. "We can now hope to use our fireball trajectory to trace this type of meteorite back to its origins in the asteroid belt," he said.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Boy, if I had a nickel for every time Sasquatch vandalized my trailer or pickup or shed, I'd have a lot of nickels.
[It's not that difficult to find women who shave their body hair these days. Maybe you should try hanging out at a different kind of bar.]

Lewis, with all the discussion about taxes going up in 2013 I have a question. Just WHERE in the Constitution does it allow the federal government to tax YOU & ME? The answer: IT DOESN'T! All taxes are to be apportioned to the STATES and they are then to collect from their citizens. Until/Unless we learn what the government is doing WRONG we will never work to get our country back! -Bill Keen
[The 16th Amendment allows Congress to levy an income tax without apportioning it among the states. However there has been some research done which indicates that not enough states ratified the amendment in 1913 in order to make it a law. But if you don't want to pay your income taxes based upon that you can try and let me know how far you get.]

Hey Lewis! I love reading about the bizarre holidays. I'd like to propose a new one to celebrate wrinkly Chinese dogs. We could call it Sharpei Diem. -Jody

Lewis, I forward your letter to 10 of my friends that I have on a group email. I don't know if any have signed up yet. I have a few less raunchy friends so I have to delete some of your remarks. Keep up the great work, you really make my morning. -Carole
[You have to delete some of my comments because they are too raunchy? What kind of stuck-up bitches do you have for friends?]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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