Bizarre News - September 16, 2015

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Whenever a Bizarre News topic drifts toward firearms or gun control or the second amendment, I am always tempted to share my controversial opinion on the matter and open myself to public criticism and probably condemnation.

But it is time somebody came up with a solution that will actually work, and that somebody is me.

The problem with gun control is the Second Amendment. The Second Amendment guarantees our freedom from tyranny by protecting the citizens' right to keep and bear arms. An armed populace is a free populace.

On the other hand, allowing every yahoo, gang banger and psychotic access to firearms has given the United States one of the highest murder rates in the developed world (although we can't compete with places like Honduras or El Salvador).

You would think that reasonable restrictions to firearms wouldn't be that difficult of a thing to figure out. The issue is with the word 'reasonable.' Because once you start chipping away at that freedom, more and more restrictions follow until one day you find that you don't have that right anymore.

So let's go back to the source problem. Protecting the right of the populace to protect itself from tyranny. Looked at from that perspective the solution becomes obvious. Disarm everyone.

If nobody is armed you won't have anybody to protect yourself from.

We would start by disarming the population. This process would take years because right now, based on consolidated information from the U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives, there are about 300 millions guns in the United States. And since there is very little registration it is impossible to know exactly who owns them.

But once we are reasonably sure firearms have been eradicated from the general population, we can disarm the police. This phase would go much faster, since we know who the police are and they are a much smaller population.

The final phase would be the military. This would probably take the longest since the U.S. military industrial complex is so vast. But once the final phase is accomplished, gun violence in the United States would finally be a thing of the past.

There would have to be exceptions, of course. Like the Coast Guard, for example, border patrol, perhaps a very limited armed navy to protect shipping in foreign waters, but 99 percent of guns (and gun violence) and most importantly the reason for guns will have been eliminated.

Now before the detractors begin tearing my plan apart I would like you to consider all of the other nations of the world who already operate on a similar system, like Liechtenstein, Andorra and the Federated States of Micronesia.

All we need is the determination to do what has to be done.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Indian man quits his job to train for selfie record --*
HYDERABAD, India - Bhanu Prakash, 24, recently quit his full time job as a research assistant at a hospital to become a record-breaking selfie taker. Prakash said he was inspired by the achievements of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, who took 105 selfies in three minutes in May. The current world record holder is American football player Patrick Peterson, who managed to take 1,449 selfies in one hour. Prakash also negates claims that selfies are "just a girl thing." He further claims his personal record is currently 1,700 but seeks to raise the number to 1,800. Prakash also says he is keeping up with hand and wrist exercises, essential to being able to hold a phone for so long. Initiailly apprehensive, Prakash's family now supports his dream. Prakash will formally attempt to break the world record on Sept. 18.


*-- 5-year-olds tunnel out of kindergarten to buy a 'grown up car' --*
MAGNITOGORSK, Russia - Russian police said a pair of 5-year-old boys used garden spades to tunnel under a fence and escape their kindergarten in an attempt to purchase a Jaguar. Police in Magnitogorsk said the boys slipped away from their teacher on multiple occasions in the school yard and dug under the fence over the course of several days. The boys were eventually able to squeeze through the tunnel and made their way to a Jaguar showroom a few miles away from the school. Police said the boys told a woman who approached them outside the showroom that they were in the market for a "grown up car." The children were taken to the Ordzhonikidze Police station, where they were released into the custody of their parents. The parents did not pursue a formal complaint against the school or the boys' teachers. Olga Denisenko, acting head of preschool education at the school, was quoted by the Siberian Times as saying disciplinary actions had been taken against employees. "This is a very serious breach of rules. The head of the group that allowed this to happen was fired," she said. "The acting head of the kindergarten has been given administrative notice."


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
When the story was on the local news, the victim stated he asked the young perk if he was armed. The perk stated that he had a knife on him. I thought the victim missed a great opportunity: 'that is not a knife...'

Fyi-this didn't happen in Detroit. Detroit is not in Oakland
county.
[Ah ha, it must have just been a Detroit man, then.]


LEWIS; The woman in Waco, TX who had the loaded .22-caliber semiautomatic hidden in her "P*!$&" must have misunderstood that time-honored USMC verse that goes "This is my weapon. This is my gun. This one's for killing. This one's for fun!" --R.S.

If Detroit had less restrictive gun laws, he could have shot the father-in-law when he pulled the knife. The police would not have had to chase him down, there would be money saved for the court system, and there would be "some" closure for the daughter that it would never happen again. The legal system needs guarantees that some crimes aren't going to be repeated. We could learn from China on some things.

Yes Lewis, Texas is a concealed carry state, if you have the CHL (license). Coming in 2016 the license will also allow us to open carry if we choose.

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
***
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